16 weeks, 4 days - What No One Tells You

So this the part of my blog titled "What No One Tells You" to discuss....that very thing. This is something that was requested and I think so important when you are thrown into this whole baby-growing thing.

I'm pretty active, and one of the things I do to keep myself centered is go to the gym, which is CrossFit-esque in its approach (though much more measured in its execution, with a focus on technique over strength or speed) and I strive to go five days a week. Though my pregnancy is considered high-risk (I turned 40 in July, got pregnant in September) it's only my age that qualifies me as high-risk. I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure, or anything like that. And after several doctor's appointments, not a single one has told me to stop lifting weights (my parents and husband...that's another story.) Essentially every single time I have a doctor's appointment they say "keep doing what you're doing." Which is what I'm doing.

But with some caveats. For one thing, as soon as I found out I was pregnant (five weeks in, in fact) my core stopped working. I've always been pretty good at planks, and we do a lot of them at my gym. And I found (and I wasn't sure if it was in my head) that planks just felt...really really hard. It literally feels like my abs were made of mashed potatoes - nothing about my abs feels strong or secure in that move. It was a weird feeling! Well, turns out that a CrossFit professional athlete who I follow on Instagram, who recently got pregnant, said the same thing! She explained that her core was essentially non-existent ever since she found out she was pregnant! So maybe it's not all in my head after all.

Another thing: one of the first moves I had to do after learning I was pregnant, was overhead squats. Those have always put a lot of pressure on my core, and that day was no different. I went waaaayyy light, but something wasn't jiving well, and I ended up pulling something after that session. It wasn't anything major, but definitely felt like again, yep, my core is just not what it was, cos it's focused on other things!

One other move: the push press. Sure I have felt that my core is engaged when I do that move, but man oh man! Ever since I got pregnant, it feels like every time I push that bar up, my core is made of Jell-O. There is nothing there that feels stable. Again, I continue to do the move, but I don't go high in weight.

For next time: Kegels to avoid incontinence, what the heck is diastasis recti, how everyone (moms, dads, people on the street...the Internet) will tell you to stop lifting anything, and how walking long distances has become my life saver.  

16 weeks 1 day...

...on this day, late in the evening, I think I felt you move for the first time!!!!!

Ok, that is all.

Week 16

We are almost at 4 months with you in my belly! I'm not with your dad right now (I'm at Nanni and Nanna's for a few days during the Christmas holiday) so I took a sneak peak of the videos already. So apparently you are the size of an avocado/pickle. And in the next three weeks you will be doubling in size, which is just crazy.

Your Nanni got me a bunch of maternity clothes, including four pairs of these lounge-y things to wear. I've had a lazy last few days but getting a bunch of work done as well because I am not going to take time off until you are born. This trimester has been an interesting one, and I'm excited to have my belly showing more and more. I'm not sure if I have another doctor's appointment before the anatomy scan (I hope I do) because hearing your heartbeat eases my anxiety (and your dad's too). We aren't sure what to name you, but you are going to have your grandfather's name as your middle name.

Anyways...here is to 17 weeks (which will officially be 4 months!)

Week 15

It's crazy, we are just 5 weeks away from being halfway through this pregnancy!

It's been a good week. Hit the gym four days (until today, when I woke up feeling like I was coming down with a cold.) This trimester so far has been worse only because I've had to endure migraines the past three Saturdays in December (literally, on Dec. 1, Dec. 8 and Dec. 15!) I'm hoping I won't get one this Saturday because I'm going to skip the gym and drink some black tea. And that better work because I'm tired of being taken out of commission on my Saturdays!

Well...your dad and I are so attached and obsessed with you already. We had another good doctor's appointment this week where we heard your strong heartbeat (it's the best thing ever when we can do that) and your dad was in such a state he just wanted to keep listening to the sound of your heartbeat and skip work.

You know, the first trimester was hard on me and your dad. I was super hormonal and I was scared and anxious about everything. I feel that this trimester has really brought us together and I'm so happy he is going to be a father, your father.

Your dad is the best person I know. And you will realize this soon, too, (once you meet him!)

Anyways, here is to week 16 (close to 4 months of being preggers!!!)

Love you so much.

Week 14

Hi Baby! I've decided to share the love that your dad and I feel for you already. We are so excited and thrilled right before any doctor's appointment we have with you - and we have one tomorrow!

Congrats to us - we are officially in the second trimester!

So far this pregnancy has been a breeze, but the last three Saturdays in a row, I've been stricken with a migraine. It really sucks, but there is a part of me that feels it's a sign there is something going on down there when I wasn't really feeling much the first trimester at all. I've decided to skip Saturday workouts for a bit to see if that helps me get my Saturdays back. It's been tough because I haven't done the rest of my Saturday routine, which includes Sound Bath meditation, for three weeks now!

But you know what? You are absolutely worth it. My plan for this week is to work out 5 days in a row, just like usual, because I will be heading up to NJ next week for the holidays and my schedule will be off.

Until week 15! (Love you so much.)

Week 13

Well, I'm not sure why I keep forgetting about posting on the week I'm in! I'm nearly into my second trimester (yippee!) which starts in two days, week 14.

Week 13 was a great week for us. We found out the sex of the baby, and that the first genetic tests came out totally fine. I am getting a bit of a raise, which is great, and financially, we are going to be ok.

One other thing: the best thing I've done for myself during this process, is tell people when I'm ready, and completely drop toxic/negative/awful people from my life (including family members). You know, those idiots that don't have anything good to say when you share news like this with them, they make it all about them, how being pregnant sucks, how your body will never be what it was, how expensive and annoying children are... Deep breath. I've got a smaller tribe, and I'm so happy that this baby is going to come into our life when I finally (hubby is well ahead of that curve) learned that lesson (better late than never!)

Weeks 11+12

OMG I forgot to post on week 11! Well...he and I got into another big fight, and I'm not sure if we made headway, but today, I planned on ultimate self-care by going to Creed II by myself, but he surprised me by joining me (and loving the movie). We walked and talked the entire way to the movie theater, and it felt like (at least on my end) we worked things out.

I know he is still hurt, but we both apologized for our behavior, and it felt so good to go to a movie with him. I had given it up to my HP, and I'm so glad I did.

Onto week 11+12. So last week was Thanksgiving week, and I was pretty active and being around family was interesting ("don't lift anything heavy!") though nice. I was back to feeling like I wasn't pregnant, though nothing but the lack of symptoms was making me feel that way. I was nervous leading up to our week 12 ultrasound and check-up (still nervous because awaiting test results now...AAAAHHHH!!!!) and kinda thought that when they put the ultrasound machine on my belly, nothing at all was going to show up. But something did show up...holding AM's hand, I saw again, our growing baby with heartbeat. We were both so happy. And it ended up being an amazing day for us both. I ended up having a bunch of blood taken to check on this and that, as well as the sex of the baby.

Everyone (including myself) is guessing a boy, but who really knows? I do know that I'm still not showing. I feel clothes feeling a wee bit tighter, but not really. I only went to the gym twice this week because I'm coming down with a mild cold, but trying to walk 10K steps at least four days a week.

OK, I'm super nervous about my conversation with MM next week, especially in regard to my rate hike. We will see!

Onward to week 13 (and almost into my second trimester!)

Week 10

Well, today started off pretty great, after coming off a great day with AM yesterday. The doctor's appointment went well, and we spent the day together.

And then today, it just all fell off a cliff. It was a petty argument that started it, and then AM exploded into anger, saying he wants a divorce, to move out, we were just fighting. It was awful.

In my fight or flight mode, I wondered about this baby, about keeping it. I looked up abortions online, then quickly shut that down. What the heck?! I don't know what I was thinking. I'm not getting rid of this baby!

I'm not sure what is going to happen the next few days, especially because we had plans to head up to NJ for Thanksgiving on Tuesday morning, and I intend to still go.

As for him...I called Mohammed and told him about the fight. He tried to call him and said he would be there to talk to the both of us when we calm down. I'm pregnant and trying to stay calm and not stressed out for the baby, and he's not helping. OMG men!

Anyways, here is to week 10, a healthy baby. I hope our week 11 is a better week for us.

Week 9

I deleted then reinstalled one of the pregnancy apps that was sorta/kinda/yes of course driving me crazy. I'm NOT reading the community posts because that's where the crazy is happening. Here's to week 9!!!

Next week we have our 10-week OB-GYN check-up. Our next ultrasound will be two weeks after that. I kinda can't wait for that 12 week appointment, but that's also when we are going to be doing all those chromosomal tests (and then waiting for the results...) so maybe it's best to just be where I'm at!

I read somewhere that my lower belly will now be feeling hard. I honestly couldn't feel it (perhaps it's because it's my body) but hubby felt it and it freaked him out (in a good way!) It's wild, this ride. And I'm aware of growing this other thing inside of me and have the urge at times to announce "I'm pregnant" to ward off any danger. At this point only a select few people know, and I'll be holding off until 20 weeks to formally announce.

This week I worked out a ton, still, but have got to figure out this work schedule, and summon up some amount of energy to get out of the house and work at a coffee shop or something. The laziness is just dragging down my bones and making me feel depressed (not good). Anywho, emotions are still all over the place, and I keep warning hubby, and for the most part he has been great and understanding about how crazy I'm feeling.

Good news! My meditation center now has a deal where I can pay the same amount for unlimited classes! So I've decided to go at least three days weekly now. I know it will help with my anxiety and hormonal episodes and just be an overall great thing for me to do.

In terms of how I'm feeling: still no morning sickness. At times I feel a little yucky but not morning sickness. My uterus does fun things at around 4-5 p.m. every day, and my moods are still all over the place. But...I've been sleeping really well, and going consistently to the gym has been crucial to me feeling like I'm myself.

Here's to week 9 and I'll check in next week after our week 10 update!

Week 8

There is so much hysteria online if you are over 35 and pregnant, and so much fear that we ourselves, as pregnant women with our hormones and emotions, are putting out there, that I wanted to document my feelings and thoughts and this amazing journey of pregnancy through a blog.

A bit about me: I got married in April, turned 40 in July, and we started *ahem* properly trying to have a baby in May. I became pregnant in October, five months later.

It honestly feels like a dream, that it has actually and finally happened. When month after month it...didn't. And then my period was late. Like really really really late. And it just never came. I was in Aspen on a business trip and the only person who knew about the sans period was my hubby.

As soon as I got home, I took a home pregnancy test the next day, and it showed up immediately. Two lines - I was positively pregnant! To say I was jubilant as a result of this news is contrary to how I was actually feeling. I immediately felt scared, anxious, and generally, all over the place.

And when that happens I fixate on things way outside my control: was my hubby fit to be a father?? my age, and whether we could carry this baby to full term.

So now I'm at 8 weeks. I've been in this pregnant reality now for three weeks (pregnancy math is....interesting to say the least). We went in for our first ultrasound this past Wednesday and I saw the baby and the baby's heartbeat. That was the kicker. I really wasn't sure what to expect, but to see a baby, moving and living and growing in there, really blew me away.

This entire time I've been pregnant, I've felt zero morning sickness, and in fact, I'm able to do everything I was doing before (the gym, walking a ton, etc.) I think seeing the baby in the ultrasound and confirming that yes, there is indeed a baby in there, made me (maybe for the first time) really and truly want this baby to grow to full term.

I have no way of making that happen. I mean, yes stay away from those things I'm supposed to stay away from, but overall, most miscarriages happen because of chromosomal issues. If this baby isn't able to grow and develop, my body will expunge it. That is the harsh and absolute truth.

It's been a ride of a sort, already, for sure. From learning that I can indeed do everything I did before (lifting heavy weights at the gym, walking a ton and doing yoga, has done wonders for my emotional state) but also realizing the little decisions I used to make, now require me to take someone else into account. Like today, when I purchased protein powder. I learned that I had to get one specifically formulated for pregnancy. Who would have known that?!

Thankfully I've always been quite healthy, and 8 weeks in, there doesn't seem to be much in the way of any weight gain. And since being on this intuitive eating journey (and freaking out for a few days about eating perfectly, then getting back to intuitive eating) I'm not binging or restricting or obsessing. And only just a little itty bit worrying about my body and how much it will change during pregnancy.

Overall, I feel amazing and great. And I would like this blog to be a catalogue for myself and a resource for other older mothers out there who are living life, active, and excited for a baby, but also wanting to hold onto certain things, like their max deadlift (160 pounds) and continuing to dream big about other things in life not related to growing a baby.

Sigh. So much happening all at once. But I'm truly grateful to be on this ride, with a partner who is adoring, generous, and surely will be the (second) best father I have ever known.

Here's to week 8! And seeing the baby's strong heartbeat for the first time!