Week 8

There is so much hysteria online if you are over 35 and pregnant, and so much fear that we ourselves, as pregnant women with our hormones and emotions, are putting out there, that I wanted to document my feelings and thoughts and this amazing journey of pregnancy through a blog.

A bit about me: I got married in April, turned 40 in July, and we started *ahem* properly trying to have a baby in May. I became pregnant in October, five months later.

It honestly feels like a dream, that it has actually and finally happened. When month after month it...didn't. And then my period was late. Like really really really late. And it just never came. I was in Aspen on a business trip and the only person who knew about the sans period was my hubby.

As soon as I got home, I took a home pregnancy test the next day, and it showed up immediately. Two lines - I was positively pregnant! To say I was jubilant as a result of this news is contrary to how I was actually feeling. I immediately felt scared, anxious, and generally, all over the place.

And when that happens I fixate on things way outside my control: was my hubby fit to be a father?? my age, and whether we could carry this baby to full term.

So now I'm at 8 weeks. I've been in this pregnant reality now for three weeks (pregnancy math is....interesting to say the least). We went in for our first ultrasound this past Wednesday and I saw the baby and the baby's heartbeat. That was the kicker. I really wasn't sure what to expect, but to see a baby, moving and living and growing in there, really blew me away.

This entire time I've been pregnant, I've felt zero morning sickness, and in fact, I'm able to do everything I was doing before (the gym, walking a ton, etc.) I think seeing the baby in the ultrasound and confirming that yes, there is indeed a baby in there, made me (maybe for the first time) really and truly want this baby to grow to full term.

I have no way of making that happen. I mean, yes stay away from those things I'm supposed to stay away from, but overall, most miscarriages happen because of chromosomal issues. If this baby isn't able to grow and develop, my body will expunge it. That is the harsh and absolute truth.

It's been a ride of a sort, already, for sure. From learning that I can indeed do everything I did before (lifting heavy weights at the gym, walking a ton and doing yoga, has done wonders for my emotional state) but also realizing the little decisions I used to make, now require me to take someone else into account. Like today, when I purchased protein powder. I learned that I had to get one specifically formulated for pregnancy. Who would have known that?!

Thankfully I've always been quite healthy, and 8 weeks in, there doesn't seem to be much in the way of any weight gain. And since being on this intuitive eating journey (and freaking out for a few days about eating perfectly, then getting back to intuitive eating) I'm not binging or restricting or obsessing. And only just a little itty bit worrying about my body and how much it will change during pregnancy.

Overall, I feel amazing and great. And I would like this blog to be a catalogue for myself and a resource for other older mothers out there who are living life, active, and excited for a baby, but also wanting to hold onto certain things, like their max deadlift (160 pounds) and continuing to dream big about other things in life not related to growing a baby.

Sigh. So much happening all at once. But I'm truly grateful to be on this ride, with a partner who is adoring, generous, and surely will be the (second) best father I have ever known.

Here's to week 8! And seeing the baby's strong heartbeat for the first time!