My friend warned me. She told me that it was fine to focus on the pregnancy and getting through the delivery, but that taking care of a newborn is an intensity that you cannot be prepared for.
Last week was an amazing week, because AM and I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. But somewhere between the sleep deprivation and after birth hormones, I started feeling hella overwhelmed. So overwhelmed, that I started having psychotic thoughts (warning, this is about to get REAL) - thoughts of "accidentally" dropping my baby, smashing my cell phone into his face, what if the hammer accidentally dropped on him? It hurts to write this but I'm writing this to help anyone else who might be reading and going through the same post partum experience. And as I type this, I'm passing some time before AM takes me to the emergency room so I can get some help (read: meds). So here is what happened last week:
I delivered on Monday morning and that was euphoric and amazing, with the vaginal birth I wished for. But then the aftermath was quite bloody and terrifying and exhausting. What I mean by that is, there were a plethora of things that were going on in my body. After pushing for two hours straight, my pee muscles refused to work. Literally when I had the thought that I needed to go to the bathroom, I would pee my pants like a newborn. It scared the shit out of me. I mean, I did Kegels nearly every day during my pregnancy! So that was that, and then, there is the blood that comes out of you. A TON of blood. I was soaking through pads that I situated in adult diapers and seeing that kind of stuff come out of your body (and the pain that goes along with it) is quite scary. And on top of that, there is caring for a newborn. Did you know they need to be fed every two hours? And because I wanted him to be exclusively breast fed, it put the pressure on me to do all his feedings. By the afternoon, my body started shaking uncontrollably and I got a fever, due to the aftershock of delivery. Good times!
Here is something I knew, but when you think about it, seems quite insane: you are supposed to feed a newborn every two hours for the first two weeks of their life. And the feeding schedule goes something like this: say you feed them at 8 a.m., and they feed for one hour, well their next feeding is at 10 a.m. - you base the next feeding on the time you started their last feeding. Well what if that goes on all day? When do you sleep? When do you take care of yourself? All good questions that I have yet to figure out the answers to. And my biggest universal question is this: how do all human infants in this day and age survive when for the first two weeks of life, their parents are required to feed them and take care of them in a way that completely depletes the parents? Back in the day we had wet nurses, we had whole families taking care of a newborn. My mom just told me that when she had my two sisters in Canada, a nurse came to help her for one month. I live in D.C. in a studio apartment with hubby. That's it! Why don't more people talk about how excruciatingly hard this is?
Hubby has been amazing. He's been a rock at my side through it all. Burping, feeding, and taking care of both the baby and myself. But this thing I'm going through, feels so lonely and outside of the scope of anything that he can really understand.
Anywho...I'm a week removed from the birth and the bleeding has slowly gotten better, as well as my control over my pee muscles. But taking care of a newborn is still so hard. I cannot stress how difficult it is, and if I do it again, I will definitely work to pump my boobs and get some formula ready (even though breast feeding proponents stress not to pump your boobs for four weeks, what the heck, dude, how am I supposed to heal and recover if all I'm doing is breast feeding my baby all day??)
So by Saturday, something in me freaked the fuck out. My sister, TC, left, and that led to uncontrollable crying, and the feeling that doom had descended on me. The baby had pooped a ton of times, the apartment was a mess, and he kept on feeding on my boobs for an hour at a time (most sessions last 30 minutes.) I.COULD.NOT.TAKE.IT.ANYMORE The crying picked up again, and try as I might, I couldn't nap. Every time I tried to nap, I just thought of the next feeding session, and how little time there was between one feeding session and the next. And the psychotic thoughts felt like they were getting stronger...I was breastfeeding the baby and at one point I felt that I was going to throw him across the room. (This is so hard to write.)
Thankfully, I had asked my mom to come for a week to help me. I knew I was reaching my breaking point. I was snapping at hubby, and when my parents finally arrived, I was a complete, fucking mess. Crying, hysterical, and I couldn't be calmed down. I felt that all of my compulsive, crazy thoughts, were going to come to pass. I kept my hands behind me, and I begged hubby and my parents to keep the baby away from me. I was on the phone with the midwife on call, who urged me to go to the ER. Of course, I didn't want to do that. They admit you, and keep you for as long as possible in the psych ward, while they figure shit out. I wasn't ready to take that step a few days ago, but today, I am.
I'm hella scared. I've never had mental health issues quite like this. But I could feel myself unravel, and I'm not back to center yet. When my mom arrived, I yelled at her in a way I've never yelled at her before (it makes me cry to just think of that) and my poor dad was trying to make sense of everything that was going on. Hubby took over, I just hugged him and smelled him and that brought me back to life. We ended up going on a walk, and he arranged for me to stay with my friend. I've been there the last two days, but that is not a sustainable solution. I need something more...
We went to see my therapist today, and while she looks for a psychiatrist for me, she encouraged me to head to the ER to get on some meds. I still don't trust myself around my son. I finally breast fed him today after staying away from him since Saturday, but I made sure my mom and hubby were right near my side, watching him. I need to take this final step in order to protect my family and myself.
It's a huge puzzle, this whole post partum thing. I know I'm not alone in this, that so many women go through it. I just wish there was something I could have known or done to prevent this. I'm not on the other side (yet). My therapist wants to see me at the end of the week with hubby so we can come up with a plan of attack (ensuring I get adequate rest, etc.)
I do hope that anyone reading this, who hasn't had a child, finds the help and support they need, sooner rather than later. I hope the medication brings me back to myself, so I can be the best mother to my son, and wife to hubby.
Stay tuned for an update!
Monday, June 17, 2019
Friday, June 14, 2019
39 weeks and...GIVING BIRTH!
It's been a whirlwind since I gave birth to you on Monday (June 10) morning. So much so, that I'm just going to skip week 39 and all it entails because it's pretty irrelevant at the moment. I'm writing down my birth story so you and I will always remember. Here goes:
So my final prenatal appointment was when I was 39 weeks and one day, on Friday, June 7. Nothing seemed to be changing in my body, and it just felt like I was going to be preggers with you forever. In fact, I did my last workout on week 39. The midwives appointment went well, and they were happy that I was full term. They decided they were going to "sweep my membranes" at my 40th week, which was exactly one week later. That means they were going to separate my amniotic sac from my uterus, and hopefully jumpstart the whole birthing process. Well that didn't have to happen because...
I think a part of me knew. After my appointment, I went to Union Station and had a bunch of junk food. It felt like something was changing in my body, although I wasn't sure what. That evening I went home and your dad came home from work like always and we had a great evening watching a movie, etc. The next day I didn't go to the gym like I planned, because the Friday evening before I was feeling all sorts of weird: extremely crampy, things shifting down there, just...out of sorts. I spent most of the evening on my yoga ball trying to relax.
The next day (Saturday) I had a chill day. I didn't go to meditation or do any of my routine Saturday errands (and even cancelled a much needed haircut). I laid low and had a low-key lunch with two friends after letting them know I "felt weird." The weird feeling was knowing there was something impending and "everything changing." I wasn't ready! I mean, I really wanted to meet you, but being pregnant meant I could still live my life like it was my old life, with you safely tucked inside of me. I knew something transformative and overwhelming was about to happen. And little did I know how soon it was all about to change...
So Saturday, June 8 seemed like a typical Saturday night for your dad and I. He got home from work at 6 p.m. and we ate some food, and he prepared me a nice bowl of fruit. We were sitting on the couch watching one of the X-Men movies, when I felt something pop inside of me. I jumped up (he thought I saw a roach 😆) but it was my water breaking. As soon as the pop happened, things started streaming out of me. Sorry for the TMI but that's how it went down. Your dad and I called the midwives immediately, and they told me I had 12 hours to labor at home before I had to go to the hospital. But the first thing we had to do was get a thermometer. That was to ensure I wasn't getting an infection, which was a sign I needed to head to the hospital sooner rather than later. So the next 12 hours was...interesting. I felt contractions every few minutes but it wasn't consistent. By the time the next day rolled around, your dad and I were feeling very calm, and slowly got all our bags together that we had packed a few weeks before.
We went on a nice walk, and ran into a friend and I told her my water broke and we were headed to the hospital. It was a beautiful Sunday morning. We took a Lyft to the hospital while I tried to listen to my hypnosis tracks while your dad gave the driver directions. We got to the hospital, checked in, and sat in a chair for some time while I still listened to the hypnosis tracks since I planned for a natural birth with no epidural.
Ok, so after I was checked in, your dad and I were taken to the room where we would be laboring and delivering you. I wasn't sure about the midwife, named Rebecca, but I was totally sure I couldn't stand my nurse, who was a woman who started to talk for me and then said something to the effect of "in English we say" which made me snap and go "what did you say? I'm American and I speak English." That was a bad moment for me. Up until that point I was calm and in a zen place and that poopy-head nurse made me freak out. Your dad, thankfully, handled it, and went outside and told the midwife what she said, and we were quickly given an alternate nurse. And that's when I really started to like Rebecca! She came in and was so great and said she had to calm down before having the conversation about the nurse situ cos she was so offended on my behalf. The nurse we were assigned was a woman named Breeanna, and she was amazing!!!!!
So...this is when things got intense. I was basically feeling my contractions and some were more painful than others but overall, things were OK. Our doula, named Frankie, showed up a few hours later and she was amazing. She helped me with a warm compress, and every time a contraction came, she helped me by working through it by stretching and breathing and being overall awesome about everything. The midwife, Rebecca, warned me though, that since my water broke, I was at risk of infection, so we had to get this birthing thing going. I was at 2 centimeters dilated (you need to get to 10 cm so I had a ways to go!) She wanted me to go on pitocin, which creates (painful) contractions by mimicking ocytocin. I didn't want to take drugs or meds, so I opted to do something more natural...nipple stimulation.
Don't worry! This is not TMI involving your dad and I haha! I ended up using a breast pump and essentially the act of pumping your breasts for milk gets the oxytocin going. The contractions were feeling more intense, but unfortunately, they weren't strong enough. The midwife said I wasn't dilated enough, even after several rounds of that breast pumping thing. That was hard to deal with, especially because the three contractions I had right after I did my final round of breast pumping were quite difficult. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest level of pain, they were about a 6-7. Ugh. And the problem was: the contractions needed to get longer (at least a minute) and harder, in order for me to be considered being in active labor. At that point I was just killing time.
I had a choice to make: I was in natural labor for about 20 hours before I realized that I needed to take piticon in order for you to come out vaginally, and for there to be less complications. And the thing about piticon: the contractions SUCK. I had gotten to the point where some of the contractions were really making me go out of my mind, and I knew one cold hard truth: the contractions HAD to get harder in order for my labor to progress. So I opted for an epidural. It was administered at around 5 p.m.
In the moment it seemed I made the decision rashly, but I don't think so. I had been researching childbirth and delivering and natural childbirth for the entire time I was pregnant with you, so I knew the reality about pitocin. The fact that the midwives kept on mentioning it to me as a necessary and not an option, made me realize how dire the situation was. And I was determined to have you vaginally (not via C-section) so I think that was the basis for my decision (some of this is still a blur). Some part of me feels bad for not having the natural childbirth I desired, but you came out perfectly, and more on that later...
So your aunt, TC, was on her way from California for your birth. My water broke on Saturday night when she was right about to board the plane to NJ. She boarded the plane, took a five hour nap, then drove down just in time for the real action to begin. The epidural started working within 10 minutes and then the piticon was administered. I ended up sleeping (the best sleep of my life it seems!) for hours while the piticon did its thing. The last vaginal exam they did, I was dilated 2 centimeters, and it was important for me to get to 10 centimeters. They (the midwives) then started talking about putting a foley catheter inside me, which is some type of something that is supposed to help the cervix thin out. Your dad and I decided against it, and so again, we waited a few hours while the piticon did its work.
The midwives again came back and said the situation was dire, with my water having broken for hours and the contractions and active labor not even started. So your dad and I agreed to the foley catheter. But then they did an exam and I was 6 centimeters dilated!!!!! That meant I didn't need the foley catheter!
Anyways...things picked up by then. I had been in active labor for hours and at around 3:30 a.m. my cervix was fully dilated and I was ready to push you out! There was my team assembled: your dad, your aunt, the midwife, nurse, and our doula. The doula was really integral to this whole thing. It was all quite amazing now that I think about it!
So for two hours, every time a contraction came, I was told to do a crunch and then push really hard for 10 seconds, 4 sets. This happened for a long time and I was tired and kinda ready to call it in. Then they brought me a mirror, because your head was emerging! And it gave me all I needed to keep pushing. It was kinda funny because it was around the time I go to the gym that you were finally pushed out of me.
So...for the action part! Everyone was cheering me on, your dad was holding one leg, your aunt was holding the other leg and in the mirror I could slowly see your head emerge. And then, at 5:34 a.m., it happened! I pushed you through me! After pushing for 2 hours, you seemed to arrive in a span of minutes. The umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck, so the midwives dealt with that, and then all of the sudden, you were placed on my chest. It was surreal to finally feel you and touch you. I also saw your dad's face and he was crying and it was so beautiful.
Anyways, I'm late to feeding you, so I've got to wrap things up. You are now 5 days old and it feels hella overwhelming (feeding you every 2 hours, being sleep deprived, having all of the hormones course through me) but every day, your dad and I fall more and more in love with you.
So my final prenatal appointment was when I was 39 weeks and one day, on Friday, June 7. Nothing seemed to be changing in my body, and it just felt like I was going to be preggers with you forever. In fact, I did my last workout on week 39. The midwives appointment went well, and they were happy that I was full term. They decided they were going to "sweep my membranes" at my 40th week, which was exactly one week later. That means they were going to separate my amniotic sac from my uterus, and hopefully jumpstart the whole birthing process. Well that didn't have to happen because...
I think a part of me knew. After my appointment, I went to Union Station and had a bunch of junk food. It felt like something was changing in my body, although I wasn't sure what. That evening I went home and your dad came home from work like always and we had a great evening watching a movie, etc. The next day I didn't go to the gym like I planned, because the Friday evening before I was feeling all sorts of weird: extremely crampy, things shifting down there, just...out of sorts. I spent most of the evening on my yoga ball trying to relax.
The next day (Saturday) I had a chill day. I didn't go to meditation or do any of my routine Saturday errands (and even cancelled a much needed haircut). I laid low and had a low-key lunch with two friends after letting them know I "felt weird." The weird feeling was knowing there was something impending and "everything changing." I wasn't ready! I mean, I really wanted to meet you, but being pregnant meant I could still live my life like it was my old life, with you safely tucked inside of me. I knew something transformative and overwhelming was about to happen. And little did I know how soon it was all about to change...
So Saturday, June 8 seemed like a typical Saturday night for your dad and I. He got home from work at 6 p.m. and we ate some food, and he prepared me a nice bowl of fruit. We were sitting on the couch watching one of the X-Men movies, when I felt something pop inside of me. I jumped up (he thought I saw a roach 😆) but it was my water breaking. As soon as the pop happened, things started streaming out of me. Sorry for the TMI but that's how it went down. Your dad and I called the midwives immediately, and they told me I had 12 hours to labor at home before I had to go to the hospital. But the first thing we had to do was get a thermometer. That was to ensure I wasn't getting an infection, which was a sign I needed to head to the hospital sooner rather than later. So the next 12 hours was...interesting. I felt contractions every few minutes but it wasn't consistent. By the time the next day rolled around, your dad and I were feeling very calm, and slowly got all our bags together that we had packed a few weeks before.
We went on a nice walk, and ran into a friend and I told her my water broke and we were headed to the hospital. It was a beautiful Sunday morning. We took a Lyft to the hospital while I tried to listen to my hypnosis tracks while your dad gave the driver directions. We got to the hospital, checked in, and sat in a chair for some time while I still listened to the hypnosis tracks since I planned for a natural birth with no epidural.
Ok, so after I was checked in, your dad and I were taken to the room where we would be laboring and delivering you. I wasn't sure about the midwife, named Rebecca, but I was totally sure I couldn't stand my nurse, who was a woman who started to talk for me and then said something to the effect of "in English we say" which made me snap and go "what did you say? I'm American and I speak English." That was a bad moment for me. Up until that point I was calm and in a zen place and that poopy-head nurse made me freak out. Your dad, thankfully, handled it, and went outside and told the midwife what she said, and we were quickly given an alternate nurse. And that's when I really started to like Rebecca! She came in and was so great and said she had to calm down before having the conversation about the nurse situ cos she was so offended on my behalf. The nurse we were assigned was a woman named Breeanna, and she was amazing!!!!!
So...this is when things got intense. I was basically feeling my contractions and some were more painful than others but overall, things were OK. Our doula, named Frankie, showed up a few hours later and she was amazing. She helped me with a warm compress, and every time a contraction came, she helped me by working through it by stretching and breathing and being overall awesome about everything. The midwife, Rebecca, warned me though, that since my water broke, I was at risk of infection, so we had to get this birthing thing going. I was at 2 centimeters dilated (you need to get to 10 cm so I had a ways to go!) She wanted me to go on pitocin, which creates (painful) contractions by mimicking ocytocin. I didn't want to take drugs or meds, so I opted to do something more natural...nipple stimulation.
Don't worry! This is not TMI involving your dad and I haha! I ended up using a breast pump and essentially the act of pumping your breasts for milk gets the oxytocin going. The contractions were feeling more intense, but unfortunately, they weren't strong enough. The midwife said I wasn't dilated enough, even after several rounds of that breast pumping thing. That was hard to deal with, especially because the three contractions I had right after I did my final round of breast pumping were quite difficult. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest level of pain, they were about a 6-7. Ugh. And the problem was: the contractions needed to get longer (at least a minute) and harder, in order for me to be considered being in active labor. At that point I was just killing time.
I had a choice to make: I was in natural labor for about 20 hours before I realized that I needed to take piticon in order for you to come out vaginally, and for there to be less complications. And the thing about piticon: the contractions SUCK. I had gotten to the point where some of the contractions were really making me go out of my mind, and I knew one cold hard truth: the contractions HAD to get harder in order for my labor to progress. So I opted for an epidural. It was administered at around 5 p.m.
In the moment it seemed I made the decision rashly, but I don't think so. I had been researching childbirth and delivering and natural childbirth for the entire time I was pregnant with you, so I knew the reality about pitocin. The fact that the midwives kept on mentioning it to me as a necessary and not an option, made me realize how dire the situation was. And I was determined to have you vaginally (not via C-section) so I think that was the basis for my decision (some of this is still a blur). Some part of me feels bad for not having the natural childbirth I desired, but you came out perfectly, and more on that later...
So your aunt, TC, was on her way from California for your birth. My water broke on Saturday night when she was right about to board the plane to NJ. She boarded the plane, took a five hour nap, then drove down just in time for the real action to begin. The epidural started working within 10 minutes and then the piticon was administered. I ended up sleeping (the best sleep of my life it seems!) for hours while the piticon did its thing. The last vaginal exam they did, I was dilated 2 centimeters, and it was important for me to get to 10 centimeters. They (the midwives) then started talking about putting a foley catheter inside me, which is some type of something that is supposed to help the cervix thin out. Your dad and I decided against it, and so again, we waited a few hours while the piticon did its work.
The midwives again came back and said the situation was dire, with my water having broken for hours and the contractions and active labor not even started. So your dad and I agreed to the foley catheter. But then they did an exam and I was 6 centimeters dilated!!!!! That meant I didn't need the foley catheter!
Anyways...things picked up by then. I had been in active labor for hours and at around 3:30 a.m. my cervix was fully dilated and I was ready to push you out! There was my team assembled: your dad, your aunt, the midwife, nurse, and our doula. The doula was really integral to this whole thing. It was all quite amazing now that I think about it!
So for two hours, every time a contraction came, I was told to do a crunch and then push really hard for 10 seconds, 4 sets. This happened for a long time and I was tired and kinda ready to call it in. Then they brought me a mirror, because your head was emerging! And it gave me all I needed to keep pushing. It was kinda funny because it was around the time I go to the gym that you were finally pushed out of me.
So...for the action part! Everyone was cheering me on, your dad was holding one leg, your aunt was holding the other leg and in the mirror I could slowly see your head emerge. And then, at 5:34 a.m., it happened! I pushed you through me! After pushing for 2 hours, you seemed to arrive in a span of minutes. The umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck, so the midwives dealt with that, and then all of the sudden, you were placed on my chest. It was surreal to finally feel you and touch you. I also saw your dad's face and he was crying and it was so beautiful.
Anyways, I'm late to feeding you, so I've got to wrap things up. You are now 5 days old and it feels hella overwhelming (feeding you every 2 hours, being sleep deprived, having all of the hormones course through me) but every day, your dad and I fall more and more in love with you.
Monday, June 3, 2019
What No One Tells You - Part Five
So, for this installment of "What No One Tells You" (maybe the last of these?) I wanna talk about the big ole question mark at the end of the road of pregnancy. Unless you have a scheduled c-section, or induction date, there really is no way of knowing when your baby is going to make an appearance - at least that's where I'm at in this point of pregnancy (nearly 39 weeks in.) There is a lot of talk around me about induction. You know, getting the baby to come out instead of just playing the waiting game. I haven't had that conversation yet, but I hear it around me pertaining to other mamas. So it got me to thinking...
I'm not sure if it's because I'm working with midwives and doulas that this conversation hasn't been had (yet) but since I'm close to my due date, there has been a lot of "so, what's going on?" types of questions going on. Basically the question is: so when is your baby coming? And you know what: I know just as much as you do!
The baby has dropped, his head is down, and sometimes he's in prime position for birthing, with his head facing my spine (the other way is horrendous back labor, I heard) but other than that, I don't know much more. I meet with my midwives at the end of this week (which will be exactly one week from my due date) and since I'm considered high-risk cos of my age, they might be talking about induction...or not. Who knows?
I'm basically just continuing to do what I've done before: walking a lot, working out 4 days a week, going to my chiropractor, doing my pregnancy hypnosis homework, cleaning and organizing the apartment, and keeping baby daddy apprised of all things.
So....yeah...it's the home stretch and I really thought at this point I would know better when little man was going to make his arrival. But I really don't and it's funny/scary/ironic/weird/unnerving all at the same time!
Any guesses on his birth day?
I'm not sure if it's because I'm working with midwives and doulas that this conversation hasn't been had (yet) but since I'm close to my due date, there has been a lot of "so, what's going on?" types of questions going on. Basically the question is: so when is your baby coming? And you know what: I know just as much as you do!
The baby has dropped, his head is down, and sometimes he's in prime position for birthing, with his head facing my spine (the other way is horrendous back labor, I heard) but other than that, I don't know much more. I meet with my midwives at the end of this week (which will be exactly one week from my due date) and since I'm considered high-risk cos of my age, they might be talking about induction...or not. Who knows?
I'm basically just continuing to do what I've done before: walking a lot, working out 4 days a week, going to my chiropractor, doing my pregnancy hypnosis homework, cleaning and organizing the apartment, and keeping baby daddy apprised of all things.
So....yeah...it's the home stretch and I really thought at this point I would know better when little man was going to make his arrival. But I really don't and it's funny/scary/ironic/weird/unnerving all at the same time!
Any guesses on his birth day?
38 weeks+4 days
Wawaweewa!!!!! Crazy that my due date is less than 10 days away! I keep trying to stifle the anxiety and fear by focusing on the fact that I'm going to meet you soon!!!!
Things are continuing to feel good, with the pelvic/pubic pain a constant (as it has been the last few months, they say the pain will go away after I give birth) and some sciatica issues flaring up, but not that bad, really. Dare I say, it's been a bit of a dream being pregnant with you. Your dad and I joke that you're such a good boy and that you will be a breeze when you come out, too. Hehe.
Well...I've heard from so many people that we should relish the ability to sleep a full night because when you are born...not so much. It's just hard to do at this point. Some nights are better than others. I'd like to do what I can do prevent postpartum depression, and have heard the best thing to do is to sleep when the baby sleeps. Thankfully I'm a good napper, and I'll be post-partuming as much as possible in NJ with your nanni. And I hope that will help!
Anyways! Your dad and I are doing more of the same: getting our place ready for you, me reading up on what I can about delivering you and also how to take care of you when you are here (eek!) but also getting as much possible as I can at work done before my 3-month leave. My last day at work will be next Tuesday - which is just crazy. But thankfully I'm in a really good place at work, and have gotten through much of my to-do list.
Here's to week 39!
Things are continuing to feel good, with the pelvic/pubic pain a constant (as it has been the last few months, they say the pain will go away after I give birth) and some sciatica issues flaring up, but not that bad, really. Dare I say, it's been a bit of a dream being pregnant with you. Your dad and I joke that you're such a good boy and that you will be a breeze when you come out, too. Hehe.
Well...I've heard from so many people that we should relish the ability to sleep a full night because when you are born...not so much. It's just hard to do at this point. Some nights are better than others. I'd like to do what I can do prevent postpartum depression, and have heard the best thing to do is to sleep when the baby sleeps. Thankfully I'm a good napper, and I'll be post-partuming as much as possible in NJ with your nanni. And I hope that will help!
Anyways! Your dad and I are doing more of the same: getting our place ready for you, me reading up on what I can about delivering you and also how to take care of you when you are here (eek!) but also getting as much possible as I can at work done before my 3-month leave. My last day at work will be next Tuesday - which is just crazy. But thankfully I'm in a really good place at work, and have gotten through much of my to-do list.
Here's to week 39!
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