Hi! We are officially halfway through this pregnancy. Crazy crazy pants!
Also, I don't get this size thing. I have four different apps (that is probably the problem) and apparently this week you are the size of a mango/banana/endive (none of those are remotely the same size as each other)...but another app said you were mango-sized last week so....
I gotta tell ya, your mama is a basket case this week. We are just days away from our mid-point (can't believe you will be here in 4.5 months!) ultrasound, also known as the anatomy scan, where we spend an hour looking at you and making sure everything is developing properly (the chambers of your heart, your brain...every little itty bitty thing).
I don't know why I think worrying will somehow prepare me for the worse case scenario, when all it's doing is taking me out of feeling my happiness now. Maybe I should focus on some wins I had this week?
Work is going well, even if I still have yet to break the news to them (gulp) and will be having those conversations this week. I also went to the gym on Saturday (formally dubbed "Migraine Saturdays) and managed to NOT come down with a pounding head attack. I also walked a ton, and had some really great quality moments with your dad. There is a lot to feel blessed and grateful for.
Anyways! We get to see how you are doing in a few days, and we are both thrilled and nervous and excited (I mean nervousness and excitement are two sides of the same coin) because we have already become so attached to you. I'm already envisioning holding you on my shoulder and smelling your head and how amazing that's going to feel (sniff, sniff).
Here's to week 21!
Sunday, January 27, 2019
Monday, January 21, 2019
What No One Tells You - Part 2
So there is this thing I started hearing about before I got pregnant. I specifically heard about it while listening to a CrossFit podcast. It has a sinister-sounding name, and it's hard to spell: diastasis recti. So when you get pregnant, doesn't it seem like you should keep working your core, to ensure it's strong when baby comes? Well not if you don't want to exacerbate diastasis recti. So it's this condition that happens to many pregnant women, when your abs basically separate, and then after the baby comes out, it's all supposed to magically come back together again, but a lot of times it doesn't, and women (some men get this from bad form during weightlifting and yo-yo dieting) are left with this "mom pouch." I really don't want that!
I've never been known for my abs, there has always been some cushion down there, but I really don't want them to get worse, you know? And so like the crazy person I am, I have read a lot about how to prevent diastasis recti (though, truth be told, sometimes it's just gonna happen). First off, when you hit your second trimester (weeks 13) stop working your abs. Just stop it. That's the general consensus I've read. The reason being is that working your abs (planks, sit-ups, anything that stretches those muscles) makes the problem even worse. The best thing to do is to get a belly support band, and work on your core in non-core exercise ways, like doing squats, or angled push-ups, standing planks, side planks. Basically you want to avoid twisting or movements that will cause your belly bump to "cone." I'll let you all know if I suffer from ab separation at all, for now I stopped doing sit-ups and most core work, while continuing to do most other exercises.
So...when you get pregnant, you'll get a lot of unsolicited advice from everyone: strangers, friends, family members. And the thing that I kept hearing when I first announced my pregnancy was this "don't lift anything" bullshit. It stuns me that there is so little known about the female body (from pregnancy to menstruation) that people still believe you can have a miscarriage from lifting weights. The majority of miscarriages happen because of chromosomal issues (read: it's not in your control) and if you were active before pregnancy, there is no reason to stop. I got clearance from my doctor, but people still give me that bogus advice. I also follow a lot of pregnant weight lifters/CrossFit athletes on Instagram, and inevitably they post every now and again that they are going to block people who give them medical advice in the form of "what the heck are you doing lifting like that you're going to harm your baby!" As if these women are not under the guidance of professional medical care. As if!
One of the things I did give up when I became pregnant was my weekly long run. Mainly because I fell one time while running (well before I was pregnant) and I really don't want that to happen while the little guy is in there. I've replaced running with long walks (I try to do about 10K steps three times a week in addition to my workouts). It's become a huge cornerstone to my mental health/feeling happy/keeping my anxiety low. And...I've come to find out that it's one of the best things I could do to prep for delivery! In addition to all the aforementioned benefits, walking will open up and keep my hips flexible for when this little guy comes out in about five months. I love how I intuitively moved toward this form of exercise, without fully understanding all the benefits.
Finally: incontinence. It's come up a bit with friends. Basically me asking if they pee their pants since having babies. I've noticed some pressure on my bladder already (with the baby getting bigger) and I notice it when doing certain moves at the gym, like jumping rope. Delivery does a lot of things to your body, including destabilizing the muscles of your pelvic floor. I've read a lot about doing Kegels (squeezing and releasing your pee muscles) to offset this. I found an app that I really like, and do it while sitting (mostly in bed, hubby has asked me a few times what I'm doing and I told him I'm strengthening my muscles so I don't pee after I deliver the baby - you shoulda seen his face haha). Anyways, it's one other thing I'm working on in addition to slathering my body with Bio Oil to prevent stretch marks (which, truth be told, are determined mostly by genetics) and trying to prevent diastastis recti (which sometimes can't be prevented).
Is this all an exercise in futility?
I'll let you know in 5 months!
I've never been known for my abs, there has always been some cushion down there, but I really don't want them to get worse, you know? And so like the crazy person I am, I have read a lot about how to prevent diastasis recti (though, truth be told, sometimes it's just gonna happen). First off, when you hit your second trimester (weeks 13) stop working your abs. Just stop it. That's the general consensus I've read. The reason being is that working your abs (planks, sit-ups, anything that stretches those muscles) makes the problem even worse. The best thing to do is to get a belly support band, and work on your core in non-core exercise ways, like doing squats, or angled push-ups, standing planks, side planks. Basically you want to avoid twisting or movements that will cause your belly bump to "cone." I'll let you all know if I suffer from ab separation at all, for now I stopped doing sit-ups and most core work, while continuing to do most other exercises.
So...when you get pregnant, you'll get a lot of unsolicited advice from everyone: strangers, friends, family members. And the thing that I kept hearing when I first announced my pregnancy was this "don't lift anything" bullshit. It stuns me that there is so little known about the female body (from pregnancy to menstruation) that people still believe you can have a miscarriage from lifting weights. The majority of miscarriages happen because of chromosomal issues (read: it's not in your control) and if you were active before pregnancy, there is no reason to stop. I got clearance from my doctor, but people still give me that bogus advice. I also follow a lot of pregnant weight lifters/CrossFit athletes on Instagram, and inevitably they post every now and again that they are going to block people who give them medical advice in the form of "what the heck are you doing lifting like that you're going to harm your baby!" As if these women are not under the guidance of professional medical care. As if!
One of the things I did give up when I became pregnant was my weekly long run. Mainly because I fell one time while running (well before I was pregnant) and I really don't want that to happen while the little guy is in there. I've replaced running with long walks (I try to do about 10K steps three times a week in addition to my workouts). It's become a huge cornerstone to my mental health/feeling happy/keeping my anxiety low. And...I've come to find out that it's one of the best things I could do to prep for delivery! In addition to all the aforementioned benefits, walking will open up and keep my hips flexible for when this little guy comes out in about five months. I love how I intuitively moved toward this form of exercise, without fully understanding all the benefits.
Finally: incontinence. It's come up a bit with friends. Basically me asking if they pee their pants since having babies. I've noticed some pressure on my bladder already (with the baby getting bigger) and I notice it when doing certain moves at the gym, like jumping rope. Delivery does a lot of things to your body, including destabilizing the muscles of your pelvic floor. I've read a lot about doing Kegels (squeezing and releasing your pee muscles) to offset this. I found an app that I really like, and do it while sitting (mostly in bed, hubby has asked me a few times what I'm doing and I told him I'm strengthening my muscles so I don't pee after I deliver the baby - you shoulda seen his face haha). Anyways, it's one other thing I'm working on in addition to slathering my body with Bio Oil to prevent stretch marks (which, truth be told, are determined mostly by genetics) and trying to prevent diastastis recti (which sometimes can't be prevented).
Is this all an exercise in futility?
I'll let you know in 5 months!
Friday, January 18, 2019
Week 19
Hi! So we are in week 19, which is 21 weeks away from your arrival, and we are nearly halfway. It feels crazy. I do think these past few months have gone by quite fast. Your dad and I are still talking about names, we don't want anything religious, I would like something to reflect both your father's and my ethnicity...and we've got two names we are batting around and neither I'm too thrilled with. But! We've got about five more months to figure it out!
So...you are the size of a mango/zucchini (which really doesn't make sense to me because I do think sweet potatoes and mangoes and avocado are all the same size...and zucchini and mango are nowhere near the same size but I guess pregnancy apps don't make a lot of sense!) I'm feeling you moving around every day, at all times of the day, and it's an amazing feeling. Your dad and I talked about the fact that I get to be with you all day, while he doesn't, and he admitted he feels a bit sad (aw) about that. I keep telling him to speak to you in Arabic, because that's the plan when you come out, and he truly is himself when he's speaking his own language. Also: the latest genetic test came back and all looks well with you!
I've been tiiiiiiiiiiirrrrreeed this week. Like every day it feels like something has been knocking me down and out even more than usual. I spoke to your aunt, TC about it, and she said "you must be growing some organ for the baby!" I looked it up, and yes, it seems your lungs are starting to develop this week! I hit the gym five days, which is my weekly goal, and did some walking (10K days two days this week) and will go to meditation only once this week (boo) but it's something! It might be time for me to build in some half hour naps during the week so I can offset this tiredness. I'm glad I haven't used it as an excuse to miss the gym (believe me, I wanted to!)
I noticed another thing this week: your dad and I wait for every Thursday (that's when our new week begins) to watch these countdown videos of you, and see how much you are growing and all that, and I feel slightly disappointed after watching them. It's as if I need to wait a whole other week to get excited about you again, and I'm not sure what that's all about. Thankfully, I stopped reading the comments section on this one pregnancy app which was all hysteria and paranoia and fear. Your dad and I are already attached to and love you, and preparing myself and worrying about the worst case scenario only serves to make me feel more anxious during this pregnancy. As if I didn't have enough anxiety!
So...in less than two weeks, we get our mid-point anatomy scan. That's when we get an in-depth ultrasound that looks at all parts of you to ensure everything is growing well and all looks OK. I've been waiting for this appointment since November 27, so you can imagine how much I've wanted and needed the time to go by so I can see you again.
Here is to week 20!
So...you are the size of a mango/zucchini (which really doesn't make sense to me because I do think sweet potatoes and mangoes and avocado are all the same size...and zucchini and mango are nowhere near the same size but I guess pregnancy apps don't make a lot of sense!) I'm feeling you moving around every day, at all times of the day, and it's an amazing feeling. Your dad and I talked about the fact that I get to be with you all day, while he doesn't, and he admitted he feels a bit sad (aw) about that. I keep telling him to speak to you in Arabic, because that's the plan when you come out, and he truly is himself when he's speaking his own language. Also: the latest genetic test came back and all looks well with you!
I've been tiiiiiiiiiiirrrrreeed this week. Like every day it feels like something has been knocking me down and out even more than usual. I spoke to your aunt, TC about it, and she said "you must be growing some organ for the baby!" I looked it up, and yes, it seems your lungs are starting to develop this week! I hit the gym five days, which is my weekly goal, and did some walking (10K days two days this week) and will go to meditation only once this week (boo) but it's something! It might be time for me to build in some half hour naps during the week so I can offset this tiredness. I'm glad I haven't used it as an excuse to miss the gym (believe me, I wanted to!)
I noticed another thing this week: your dad and I wait for every Thursday (that's when our new week begins) to watch these countdown videos of you, and see how much you are growing and all that, and I feel slightly disappointed after watching them. It's as if I need to wait a whole other week to get excited about you again, and I'm not sure what that's all about. Thankfully, I stopped reading the comments section on this one pregnancy app which was all hysteria and paranoia and fear. Your dad and I are already attached to and love you, and preparing myself and worrying about the worst case scenario only serves to make me feel more anxious during this pregnancy. As if I didn't have enough anxiety!
So...in less than two weeks, we get our mid-point anatomy scan. That's when we get an in-depth ultrasound that looks at all parts of you to ensure everything is growing well and all looks OK. I've been waiting for this appointment since November 27, so you can imagine how much I've wanted and needed the time to go by so I can see you again.
Here is to week 20!
Thursday, January 10, 2019
Week 18
Hello! So you are the size of a sweet potato/artichoke (which doesn't seem much bigger to me than an avocado, and you are apparently doubling in size but whatevs!) You've got all your fingerprints, and you are learning how to do a ton of things including yawning (haha your dad will get a hoot out of that), hiccuping and just moving around in general. It's pretty amazing to feel you in there.
I did something really stupid last night (and I didn't tell your dad cos I know he'd be mad at me). I was grabbing some food with friends and afterward I ordered an Uber to go home, and the driver was on the other side of the road, and I literally ran into traffic! The light was green! Bad bad bad bad! As soon as I got into the car, I felt breathless, like, what the heck had I done? The crazy thing is, we drove a block, and this lady was trying to dash across the street (just like me!) and she literally ran into the car door of the Uber! She apologized for her mistake but it was totally weird that she did exactly what I did. I knew I shouldn't have just run across the street like that, but I've been doing that for years and I guess I'm still getting used to you in there and making sure to keep you safe.
So aside from some hormonal acne around my chin/jaw area, and those Saturday migraine days that I've been preempting by drinking a cup of black tea, this trimester has been really great. I'm still tired, but I've been pushing myself to walk, go to the gym, and go back to meditation. One thing that I'm still trying to figure out, though, is how to situate myself during meditation, because I can't lie flat on my back anymore. So that's been frustrating for me, because usually when I go to meditation, I conk out and go to never never land (it's the most expansive, amazing feeling) and the last two sessions, I've been so worried about compressing that vein behind my back and cutting off oxygen to you that I can't seem to relax!
I ordered these yoga blocks to help me set up my mat and space so my torso is elevated, but I still worry! However...the coolest thing about bringing you to meditation, has been how much you move during the sessions! I think you like them! So I'm going to keep going as much as I can, because apparently your little ears are actually hearing things now.
Anywho...this week is a much better week for me in most regards. Your dad and I also had another great doctor's appointment where we heard your heartbeat and your little kick, so I'm happy you are doing so well. Now we've just got to wait for January 30 when we go to the doctor for the anatomy scan.
Here's to week 19!
I did something really stupid last night (and I didn't tell your dad cos I know he'd be mad at me). I was grabbing some food with friends and afterward I ordered an Uber to go home, and the driver was on the other side of the road, and I literally ran into traffic! The light was green! Bad bad bad bad! As soon as I got into the car, I felt breathless, like, what the heck had I done? The crazy thing is, we drove a block, and this lady was trying to dash across the street (just like me!) and she literally ran into the car door of the Uber! She apologized for her mistake but it was totally weird that she did exactly what I did. I knew I shouldn't have just run across the street like that, but I've been doing that for years and I guess I'm still getting used to you in there and making sure to keep you safe.
So aside from some hormonal acne around my chin/jaw area, and those Saturday migraine days that I've been preempting by drinking a cup of black tea, this trimester has been really great. I'm still tired, but I've been pushing myself to walk, go to the gym, and go back to meditation. One thing that I'm still trying to figure out, though, is how to situate myself during meditation, because I can't lie flat on my back anymore. So that's been frustrating for me, because usually when I go to meditation, I conk out and go to never never land (it's the most expansive, amazing feeling) and the last two sessions, I've been so worried about compressing that vein behind my back and cutting off oxygen to you that I can't seem to relax!
I ordered these yoga blocks to help me set up my mat and space so my torso is elevated, but I still worry! However...the coolest thing about bringing you to meditation, has been how much you move during the sessions! I think you like them! So I'm going to keep going as much as I can, because apparently your little ears are actually hearing things now.
Anywho...this week is a much better week for me in most regards. Your dad and I also had another great doctor's appointment where we heard your heartbeat and your little kick, so I'm happy you are doing so well. Now we've just got to wait for January 30 when we go to the doctor for the anatomy scan.
Here's to week 19!
Saturday, January 5, 2019
She's So Funny!!!
So last week me and hubby FaceTimed my three favorite people - my nieces from my sister TC - and they were so thrilled! Well the three-year-old, aka "my best friend"/"the baby" was not. She's been extra moody during FaceTime, but I didn't think anything of it.
Well the next day I called my sister to chat, and as soon as we get on the phone she starts to have a side conversation with my best friend. I asked what she was saying, and my best friend asked when we would be sending her the baby. She then told my sister she would send us a "pretend baby." I was floored! She thinks this baby I'm growing inside of me, is hers! Well I told my sister to tell her she would have to feed the baby milk, change his diaper, and he would have to sleep in her bed (naturally) and she was all for it! It totally made my week, that this crazy person whom I love dearly, is obsessed with my baby and thinks he is hers. Haha!
It's been nice to reflect on the people I love in my life, the ones who give me joy. It's so easy to focus on the people who bring you down. I heard somewhere that our primitive brains are wired to fixate on negative things because that's how we stayed alive during a time when we had to avoid poisonous berries (remember where those berries are and how they are bad!) and run away from saber-tooth tigers. Nowadays we need not focus on every negative thing that happens in life, but that's just what our minds do, so we got to redirect as best we can.
Today my best friend asked TC to FaceTime me so she could "see the baby." Methinks we might have told her a bit too early? I don't know if she'll be able to wait 5.5 more months for this baby to come out!
Well the next day I called my sister to chat, and as soon as we get on the phone she starts to have a side conversation with my best friend. I asked what she was saying, and my best friend asked when we would be sending her the baby. She then told my sister she would send us a "pretend baby." I was floored! She thinks this baby I'm growing inside of me, is hers! Well I told my sister to tell her she would have to feed the baby milk, change his diaper, and he would have to sleep in her bed (naturally) and she was all for it! It totally made my week, that this crazy person whom I love dearly, is obsessed with my baby and thinks he is hers. Haha!
It's been nice to reflect on the people I love in my life, the ones who give me joy. It's so easy to focus on the people who bring you down. I heard somewhere that our primitive brains are wired to fixate on negative things because that's how we stayed alive during a time when we had to avoid poisonous berries (remember where those berries are and how they are bad!) and run away from saber-tooth tigers. Nowadays we need not focus on every negative thing that happens in life, but that's just what our minds do, so we got to redirect as best we can.
Today my best friend asked TC to FaceTime me so she could "see the baby." Methinks we might have told her a bit too early? I don't know if she'll be able to wait 5.5 more months for this baby to come out!
Thursday, January 3, 2019
Week 17
Hi! So apparently you are the size of a pomegranate today and you are building baby fat and teeth and your heart is beating at around 150 beats per minute! Our next doctor's appointment is next Tuesday, they are going to take some blood for additional tests and best part - we get to hear your heartbeat on the Doppler!
So I've definitely felt a lot of anxiety this week, and reading up on late term miscarriages is not the smartest thing for me to do, but of course I'm doing it! A friend who is five weeks more pregnant than me suggested I get the book "Expecting Better" which is written by an economist and less fear-based than all those other books that dictate what you can't do - literally, that's all I think about, what I can't do, what I can't eat, etc. That arrives in the mail today so I'm glad about that. I'm also going back to meditation to calm the nerves as well.
The gym has been great. I didn't work out really at all last week when I was in NJ visiting Nanni and Nanna, though I tried to use this prenatal pregnancy workout app which was just ridiculous, I tell you. Plus my cold got worse when I was in NJ so I just relaxed...a lot. So being back at it in the gym has been really awesome. And...on Tuesday we had a New Year's workout that involved some running and I was super nervous to do (before I was pregnant with you I fell while running so that was traumatizing and I told myself never to run while you were in my belly) but it felt super amazing to run! I was super duper slow, but I think I'm going to add a run/walk into my routine during the week.
Yesterday was clean and jerks at the gym. I've been getting nervous before those workouts, but what helps is following all these badass women on Insta who are continuing to lift heavy weights and perform these exercises and that I've been working out consistently throughout my pregnancy and have never (knock on wood) felt bad while doing so. Yesterday was the same, though toward the end of my sets, I felt a ton of round ligament pain (this strange pain that happens on the sides of the abdomen as the result of my growing uterus) but nothing at all debilitating. I do wonder what's going on with you in there while I'm doing all the exercise, but I trust you are doing great!
One new thing I ordered is this belly wrap thingie. It's super expensive everywhere (about $70), but I found it brand new on eBay for $49! I will be using it when the belly gets bigger while walking and working out, for added support.
That's all for now, here is to week 18!
So I've definitely felt a lot of anxiety this week, and reading up on late term miscarriages is not the smartest thing for me to do, but of course I'm doing it! A friend who is five weeks more pregnant than me suggested I get the book "Expecting Better" which is written by an economist and less fear-based than all those other books that dictate what you can't do - literally, that's all I think about, what I can't do, what I can't eat, etc. That arrives in the mail today so I'm glad about that. I'm also going back to meditation to calm the nerves as well.
The gym has been great. I didn't work out really at all last week when I was in NJ visiting Nanni and Nanna, though I tried to use this prenatal pregnancy workout app which was just ridiculous, I tell you. Plus my cold got worse when I was in NJ so I just relaxed...a lot. So being back at it in the gym has been really awesome. And...on Tuesday we had a New Year's workout that involved some running and I was super nervous to do (before I was pregnant with you I fell while running so that was traumatizing and I told myself never to run while you were in my belly) but it felt super amazing to run! I was super duper slow, but I think I'm going to add a run/walk into my routine during the week.
Yesterday was clean and jerks at the gym. I've been getting nervous before those workouts, but what helps is following all these badass women on Insta who are continuing to lift heavy weights and perform these exercises and that I've been working out consistently throughout my pregnancy and have never (knock on wood) felt bad while doing so. Yesterday was the same, though toward the end of my sets, I felt a ton of round ligament pain (this strange pain that happens on the sides of the abdomen as the result of my growing uterus) but nothing at all debilitating. I do wonder what's going on with you in there while I'm doing all the exercise, but I trust you are doing great!
One new thing I ordered is this belly wrap thingie. It's super expensive everywhere (about $70), but I found it brand new on eBay for $49! I will be using it when the belly gets bigger while walking and working out, for added support.
That's all for now, here is to week 18!
Wednesday, January 2, 2019
Venting...
So because of the holidays, and my migraine Saturdays, I haven't been going to meditation as much as I would like. And it really was a lifesaver during my first trimester when the hormones were making me crazy pants. Literally every Saturday during my first trimester I would fight with hubby and be a lunatic and unreasonable. Anywho, meditating was helping immensely and I haven't been doing it for the last few weeks (I'm not the best at meditating at home though I should probably do 10 minutes or so, at the very least). I say this because I am up to my eyeballs in feelings and I need to get back to meditation stat!
So now that I'm embracing my growing bump and wearing pregnancy clothes and announcing to people (including shitty family members - pardon my language but there are a lot of feelings I'm processing!) I feel super duper vulnerable. In my family's South Indian culture, there is such a thing as the "evil eye." You know, when good things are bestowed on someone, and those around who are jealous and fueled by schadenfreude put their bad omens on you and then something awful happens. Well my mom wholeheartedly believes in this, and since I'm so weird with telling people news that brings even any amount of attention my way (I blame the introvert part of me for this) it's been super nice just being pregnant with no one knowing (and kinda using the evil eye as an excuse for not telling people). I finally told one of two sisters who doesn't know (which was hard, but hubby was great and by my side and did most of the talking and we were not even on the phone with her for 5 mins!) but that evening was a NYE party where a good friend of mine came, and brought along a girl I really can't stand.
Some backstory: so this girl is Pakistani and what I would call very FOBBY (fresh off the boat, very old school like an Indian/Desi auntie who is all about status symbols and what everyone thinks, blah blah) in her mentality. Until I got married, I've had fine interactions with this girl. She's more like friends of friends and I would see her at social events, and chat with her, and it was all good. For the most part she was pleasant when I saw her. Well as soon as I got married, one of the first things this acquaintance did, was send me a FB message asking me if I got married, when I answered in the affirmative, she said something to the effect of "wow, that is very encouraging." Which to me, is just weird. (Hello, why are you making my marriage all about you and your issues?!)
Well I ended up hanging out with her a few months later when my good friend invited me to a play. And that's when things got really shitty: so this girl, I'll name her, Fatima (haha that is actually her name but there are loads of those so no worries) proceeds to bombard me with questions: "how old are you?" "how did you meet your husband?" "oh, so he's not a lawyer/doctor/engineer"? Maybe all of these sound like innocuous questions (there were a ton more that I can't recall in detail but they were all invasive and cloying) but as I was answering each and every question openly and honestly (I've learned this year that not everyone deserves to know all things about me) I started feeling worse and worse about myself.
I experienced the conversation like this: here is this woman, in her 30's, feeling insecure that she's not married, etc. So she comes at me and asks me all manner of questions to make herself feel better. It was just awful. So I did a lot of processing around those feelings and came up with a way to handle this dumb girl (and this method can be applied to any other human who sucks) if/when I interacted with her in the future. My approach: 1) keep my distance with her while remaining civil 2) excuse myself (go to the bathroom, into another room) if she tried her 20 questions with me again. So on NYE, there she is, in all her annoying glory, and I greeted her pleasantly and then proceeded to stay way way way the hell away from her. Well during some point in the night, someone (it might have been hubby, but he's overjoyed and spilling the beans to everyone so...) told her I was pregnant. It's 15 minutes before midnight and she then sits down next to me on the couch and goes "so I heard you're pregnant?" I looked at her, and I could tell that she was going to be all nosy and invasive and ridiculous and awful with her questions. So of course I immediately got super duper annoyed. I took some breaths, then said out loud "oh wow, I have to blow my nose" and got up, and left. It was a victory!! I went into the bathroom, and my hubby followed and I said to him "do not allow that dumb girl to sit next to me anymore." And that was that!
I said bye to her when it was time to leave, but other than that, had no further conversation with her. Sorry stupid girl but I'm not getting into a dialogue with you about how I got pregnant, my age, how hard it was (or wasn't) or any of that. It's none of your damn business! That's what Google is for!
Anyways, I realize as this baby continues to grow inside of me, that I'm growing too. And learning a ton from the people in life who have made me realize that boundaries are essential in all relationships. Especially with people who have only toxic/negative energy to give.
All this is to say: I've got to get back to the things that give me my center. The gym, walking a ton, meditation, and people who nourish me/keep me warm. I will be going back to meditation on Friday, and hopefully hit three classes this week!
Here's to tomorrow, when we are 17 weeks and officially, officially, 4 months preggers (you have to complete the week in order for it to count!)
So now that I'm embracing my growing bump and wearing pregnancy clothes and announcing to people (including shitty family members - pardon my language but there are a lot of feelings I'm processing!) I feel super duper vulnerable. In my family's South Indian culture, there is such a thing as the "evil eye." You know, when good things are bestowed on someone, and those around who are jealous and fueled by schadenfreude put their bad omens on you and then something awful happens. Well my mom wholeheartedly believes in this, and since I'm so weird with telling people news that brings even any amount of attention my way (I blame the introvert part of me for this) it's been super nice just being pregnant with no one knowing (and kinda using the evil eye as an excuse for not telling people). I finally told one of two sisters who doesn't know (which was hard, but hubby was great and by my side and did most of the talking and we were not even on the phone with her for 5 mins!) but that evening was a NYE party where a good friend of mine came, and brought along a girl I really can't stand.
Some backstory: so this girl is Pakistani and what I would call very FOBBY (fresh off the boat, very old school like an Indian/Desi auntie who is all about status symbols and what everyone thinks, blah blah) in her mentality. Until I got married, I've had fine interactions with this girl. She's more like friends of friends and I would see her at social events, and chat with her, and it was all good. For the most part she was pleasant when I saw her. Well as soon as I got married, one of the first things this acquaintance did, was send me a FB message asking me if I got married, when I answered in the affirmative, she said something to the effect of "wow, that is very encouraging." Which to me, is just weird. (Hello, why are you making my marriage all about you and your issues?!)
Well I ended up hanging out with her a few months later when my good friend invited me to a play. And that's when things got really shitty: so this girl, I'll name her, Fatima (haha that is actually her name but there are loads of those so no worries) proceeds to bombard me with questions: "how old are you?" "how did you meet your husband?" "oh, so he's not a lawyer/doctor/engineer"? Maybe all of these sound like innocuous questions (there were a ton more that I can't recall in detail but they were all invasive and cloying) but as I was answering each and every question openly and honestly (I've learned this year that not everyone deserves to know all things about me) I started feeling worse and worse about myself.
I experienced the conversation like this: here is this woman, in her 30's, feeling insecure that she's not married, etc. So she comes at me and asks me all manner of questions to make herself feel better. It was just awful. So I did a lot of processing around those feelings and came up with a way to handle this dumb girl (and this method can be applied to any other human who sucks) if/when I interacted with her in the future. My approach: 1) keep my distance with her while remaining civil 2) excuse myself (go to the bathroom, into another room) if she tried her 20 questions with me again. So on NYE, there she is, in all her annoying glory, and I greeted her pleasantly and then proceeded to stay way way way the hell away from her. Well during some point in the night, someone (it might have been hubby, but he's overjoyed and spilling the beans to everyone so...) told her I was pregnant. It's 15 minutes before midnight and she then sits down next to me on the couch and goes "so I heard you're pregnant?" I looked at her, and I could tell that she was going to be all nosy and invasive and ridiculous and awful with her questions. So of course I immediately got super duper annoyed. I took some breaths, then said out loud "oh wow, I have to blow my nose" and got up, and left. It was a victory!! I went into the bathroom, and my hubby followed and I said to him "do not allow that dumb girl to sit next to me anymore." And that was that!
I said bye to her when it was time to leave, but other than that, had no further conversation with her. Sorry stupid girl but I'm not getting into a dialogue with you about how I got pregnant, my age, how hard it was (or wasn't) or any of that. It's none of your damn business! That's what Google is for!
Anyways, I realize as this baby continues to grow inside of me, that I'm growing too. And learning a ton from the people in life who have made me realize that boundaries are essential in all relationships. Especially with people who have only toxic/negative energy to give.
All this is to say: I've got to get back to the things that give me my center. The gym, walking a ton, meditation, and people who nourish me/keep me warm. I will be going back to meditation on Friday, and hopefully hit three classes this week!
Here's to tomorrow, when we are 17 weeks and officially, officially, 4 months preggers (you have to complete the week in order for it to count!)
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