Our little boy is named Olan and I'm utterly smitten by him and it indeed feels staggering (as a friend of mine had described over her own baby, who she gave birth to a few weeks before me). Anyways, here is an update regarding motherhood, Olan (my amazing almost 2-month old baby) and my mental health.
I have maternity leave for three months, and boy am I blessed and happy for it. I've been spending most of the post-partum period in NJ, where my parents and sister have been helping me take care of my little guy. This support has been instrumental in me coming back to center, to myself, and for the fear to dissipate. That, and (not going to lie) my mental health medication. I've been on 25 mgs of Zoloft for more than a month now, and it's not only taken the edge off my anxiety and fear, I feel I'm a better person to those who are closest to me - which means the most to me.
I know the medication is doing its job, because today my sister TC and her kids left (after spending most of the summer together, I was dreading this day) and while I'm sad, I'm not losing it or wallowing in the sadness. I'm able to feel the grief (and yes it sucks) but it doesn't feel as all-consuming or overwhelming like it did the week after I gave birth and the hormones made me feel like doom and gloom was descending and never going to leave...
I have less than two weeks remaining here at home before I return to DC and back to hubby and our life together with our baby. I'm hella nervous, but I also know that getting the help I needed right after I gave birth will enable me to go back home and be home in a balanced and sustainable way. I'm excited for my friends to meet the little guy, to get back to the gym and the meditation center and to reconnect with the city that I have called home for over a decade.
