39 weeks and...GIVING BIRTH!

It's been a whirlwind since I gave birth to you on Monday (June 10) morning. So much so, that I'm just going to skip week 39 and all it entails because it's pretty irrelevant at the moment. I'm writing down my birth story so you and I will always remember. Here goes:

So my final prenatal appointment was when I was 39 weeks and one day, on Friday, June 7. Nothing seemed to be changing in my body, and it just felt like I was going to be preggers with you forever. In fact, I did my last workout on week 39. The midwives appointment went well, and they were happy that I was full term. They decided they were going to "sweep my membranes" at my 40th week, which was exactly one week later. That means they were going to separate my amniotic sac from my uterus, and hopefully jumpstart the whole birthing process. Well that didn't have to happen because...

I think a part of me knew. After my appointment, I went to Union Station and had a bunch of junk food. It felt like something was changing in my body, although I wasn't sure what. That evening I went home and your dad came home from work like always and we had a great evening watching a movie, etc. The next day I didn't go to the gym like I planned, because the Friday evening before I was feeling all sorts of weird: extremely crampy, things shifting down there, just...out of sorts. I spent most of the evening on my yoga ball trying to relax.

The next day (Saturday) I had a chill day. I didn't go to meditation or do any of my routine Saturday errands (and even cancelled a much needed haircut). I laid low and had a low-key lunch with two friends after letting them know I "felt weird." The weird feeling was knowing there was something impending and "everything changing." I wasn't ready! I mean, I really wanted to meet you, but being pregnant meant I could still live my life like it was my old life, with you safely tucked inside of me. I knew something transformative and overwhelming was about to happen. And little did I know how soon it was all about to change...

So Saturday, June 8 seemed like a typical Saturday night for your dad and I. He got home from work at 6 p.m. and we ate some food, and he prepared me a nice bowl of fruit. We were sitting on the couch watching one of the X-Men movies, when I felt something pop inside of me. I jumped up (he thought I saw a roach 😆) but it was my water breaking. As soon as the pop happened, things started streaming out of me. Sorry for the TMI but that's how it went down. Your dad and I called the midwives immediately, and they told me I had 12 hours to labor at home before I had to go to the hospital. But the first thing we had to do was get a thermometer. That was to ensure I wasn't getting an infection, which was a sign I needed to head to the hospital sooner rather than later. So the next 12 hours was...interesting. I felt contractions every few minutes but it wasn't consistent. By the time the next day rolled around, your dad and I were feeling very calm, and slowly got all our bags together that we had packed a few weeks before.

We went on a nice walk, and ran into a friend and I told her my water broke and we were headed to the hospital. It was a beautiful Sunday morning. We took a Lyft to the hospital while I tried to listen to my hypnosis tracks while your dad gave the driver directions. We got to the hospital, checked in, and sat in a chair for some time while I still listened to the hypnosis tracks since I planned for a natural birth with no epidural.

Ok, so after I was checked in, your dad and I were taken to the room where we would be laboring and delivering you. I wasn't sure about the midwife, named Rebecca, but I was totally sure I couldn't stand my nurse, who was a woman who started to talk for me and then said something to the effect of "in English we say" which made me snap and go "what did you say? I'm American and I speak English." That was a bad moment for me. Up until that point I was calm and in a zen place and that poopy-head nurse made me freak out. Your dad, thankfully, handled it, and went outside and told the midwife what she said, and we were quickly given an alternate nurse. And that's when I really started to like Rebecca! She came in and was so great and said she had to calm down before having the conversation about the nurse situ cos she was so offended on my behalf. The nurse we were assigned was a woman named Breeanna, and she was amazing!!!!!

So...this is when things got intense. I was basically feeling my contractions and some were more painful than others but overall, things were OK. Our doula, named Frankie, showed up a few hours later and she was amazing. She helped me with a warm compress, and every time a contraction came, she helped me by working through it by stretching and breathing and being overall awesome about everything. The midwife, Rebecca, warned me though, that since my water broke, I was at risk of infection, so we had to get this birthing thing going. I was at 2 centimeters dilated (you need to get to 10 cm so I had a ways to go!) She wanted me to go on pitocin, which creates (painful) contractions by mimicking ocytocin. I didn't want to take drugs or meds, so I opted to do something more natural...nipple stimulation.

Don't worry! This is not TMI involving your dad and I haha! I ended up using a breast pump and essentially the act of pumping your breasts for milk gets the oxytocin going. The contractions were feeling more intense, but unfortunately, they weren't strong enough. The midwife said I wasn't dilated enough, even after several rounds of that breast pumping thing. That was hard to deal with, especially because the three contractions I had right after I did my final round of breast pumping were quite difficult. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest level of pain, they were about a 6-7. Ugh. And the problem was: the contractions needed to get longer (at least a minute) and harder, in order for me to be considered being in active labor. At that point I was just killing time.

I had a choice to make: I was in natural labor for about 20 hours before I realized that I needed to take piticon in order for you to come out vaginally, and for there to be less complications. And the thing about piticon: the contractions SUCK. I had gotten to the point where some of the contractions were really making me go out of my mind, and I knew one cold hard truth: the contractions HAD to get harder in order for my labor to progress. So I opted for an epidural. It was administered at around 5 p.m.

In the moment it seemed I made the decision rashly, but I don't think so. I had been researching childbirth and delivering and natural childbirth for the entire time I was pregnant with you, so I knew the reality about pitocin. The fact that the midwives kept on mentioning it to me as a necessary and not an option, made me realize how dire the situation was. And I was determined to have you vaginally (not via C-section) so I think that was the basis for my decision (some of this is still a blur). Some part of me feels bad for not having the natural childbirth I desired, but you came out perfectly, and more on that later...

So your aunt, TC, was on her way from California for your birth. My water broke on Saturday night when she was right about to board the plane to NJ. She boarded the plane, took a five hour nap, then drove down just in time for the real action to begin. The epidural started working within 10 minutes and then the piticon was administered. I ended up sleeping (the best sleep of my life it seems!) for hours while the piticon did its thing. The last vaginal exam they did, I was dilated 2 centimeters, and it was important for me to get to 10 centimeters. They (the midwives) then started talking about putting a foley catheter inside me, which is some type of something that is supposed to help the cervix thin out. Your dad and I decided against it, and so again, we waited a few hours while the piticon did its work.

The midwives again came back and said the situation was dire, with my water having broken for hours and the contractions and active labor not even started. So your dad and I agreed to the foley catheter. But then they did an exam and I was 6 centimeters dilated!!!!! That meant I didn't need the foley catheter!

Anyways...things picked up by then. I had been in active labor for hours and at around 3:30 a.m. my cervix was fully dilated and I was ready to push you out! There was my team assembled: your dad, your aunt, the midwife, nurse, and our doula. The doula was really integral to this whole thing. It was all quite amazing now that I think about it!

So for two hours, every time a contraction came, I was told to do a crunch and then push really hard for 10 seconds, 4 sets. This happened for a long time and I was tired and kinda ready to call it in. Then they brought me a mirror, because your head was emerging! And it gave me all I needed to keep pushing. It was kinda funny because it was around the time I go to the gym that you were finally pushed out of me.

So...for the action part! Everyone was cheering me on, your dad was holding one leg, your aunt was holding the other leg and in the mirror I could slowly see your head emerge. And then, at 5:34 a.m., it happened! I pushed you through me! After pushing for 2 hours, you seemed to arrive in a span of minutes. The umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck, so the midwives dealt with that, and then all of the sudden, you were placed on my chest. It was surreal to finally feel you and touch you. I also saw your dad's face and he was crying and it was so beautiful.

Anyways, I'm late to feeding you, so I've got to wrap things up. You are now 5 days old and it feels hella overwhelming (feeding you every 2 hours, being sleep deprived, having all of the hormones course through me) but every day, your dad and I fall more and more in love with you.

What No One Tells You - Part Five

So, for this installment of "What No One Tells You" (maybe the last of these?) I wanna talk about the big ole question mark at the end of the road of pregnancy. Unless you have a scheduled c-section, or induction date, there really is no way of knowing when your baby is going to make an appearance - at least that's where I'm at in this point of pregnancy (nearly 39 weeks in.) There is a lot of talk around me about induction. You know, getting the baby to come out instead of just playing the waiting game. I haven't had that conversation yet, but I hear it around me pertaining to other mamas. So it got me to thinking...

I'm not sure if it's because I'm working with midwives and doulas that this conversation hasn't been had (yet) but since I'm close to my due date, there has been a lot of "so, what's going on?" types of questions going on. Basically the question is: so when is your baby coming? And you know what: I know just as much as you do!

The baby has dropped, his head is down, and sometimes he's in prime position for birthing, with his head facing my spine (the other way is horrendous back labor, I heard) but other than that, I don't know much more. I meet with my midwives at the end of this week (which will be exactly one week from my due date) and since I'm considered high-risk cos of my age, they might be talking about induction...or not. Who knows?

I'm basically just continuing to do what I've done before: walking a lot, working out 4 days a week, going to my chiropractor, doing my pregnancy hypnosis homework, cleaning and organizing the apartment, and keeping baby daddy apprised of all things.

So....yeah...it's the home stretch and I really thought at this point I would know better when little man was going to make his arrival. But I really don't and it's funny/scary/ironic/weird/unnerving all at the same time!

Any guesses on his birth day?

38 weeks+4 days

Wawaweewa!!!!! Crazy that my due date is less than 10 days away! I keep trying to stifle the anxiety and fear by focusing on the fact that I'm going to meet you soon!!!!

Things are continuing to feel good, with the pelvic/pubic pain a constant (as it has been the last few months, they say the pain will go away after I give birth) and some sciatica issues flaring up, but not that bad, really. Dare I say, it's been a bit of a dream being pregnant with you. Your dad and I joke that you're such a good boy and that you will be a breeze when you come out, too. Hehe.

Well...I've heard from so many people that we should relish the ability to sleep a full night because when you are born...not so much. It's just hard to do at this point. Some nights are better than others. I'd like to do what I can do prevent postpartum depression, and have heard the best thing to do is to sleep when the baby sleeps. Thankfully I'm a good napper, and I'll be post-partuming as much as possible in NJ with your nanni. And I hope that will help!

Anyways! Your dad and I are doing more of the same: getting our place ready for you, me reading up on what I can about delivering you and also how to take care of you when you are here (eek!) but also getting as much possible as I can at work done before my 3-month leave. My last day at work will be next Tuesday - which is just crazy. But thankfully I'm in a really good place at work, and have gotten through much of my to-do list.

Here's to week 39!

37 weeks+4 days

So it's pretty close!!!! It's unbelievable that we will be entering two weeks until your due date in just a few days. I've been talking to you and asking that you stay in until 40 weeks, and I'm hoping you will! The midwife said 38 1/2 weeks is optimal - and we are nearly there! I also really really really want to get my work stuff in a good place, cos they've been so great to me, and giving me three months of paid maternity leave!!!

Back to you: you're the size of romaine lettuce/canary melon (wth is that?)/honeydew melon. You're basically just chilling inside there and gaining weight until the big day. I'm working with a midwife and a doula, and for the last 4 weeks of the pregnancy I'm supposed to be cutting out sugar and refined stuff (that was hard at first but I'm doing it), eating fresh and healthy foods, and drinking red raspberry leaf tea and taking evening primrose oil to get my cervix nice and ready. I'm also doing my prenatal exercises (cat cows and pelvic stretches) and continuing with my hypnosis pregnancy practices every day. I especially like the joyful affirmations which has this one great line: "people's negative feelings belong only to them."

I've shared my birth plan with a few people, though I'm hesitant, and several have expressed some type of concern. Which is why I'm kinda not anymore. Anyways...

About negative people: one of the things I did last year, was completely scrub my life of negative people. Unfortunately that includes some family members, but with that release, it's given me the space to truly appreciate and bring in more amazing people into my life. I've also become sensitive to this type of energy when befriending new people, which is what I'm about to get into.

A work colleague started a few months back, and we hit it off. I was super excited to have another friend to do things with, etc. She also joined my meditation studio, so that was a plus. I've pretty much only gotten good vibes from her, except for one evening. After a meditation class, we decided to grab food. She's got a food restriction and in her defense, the restaurant didn't handle it well. (Telling her the meal she wanted wasn't allergy free, when it really was, the manager of the restaurant coming over, etc. etc.) But the way she handled it, took over the evening in the worst way possible. And then she got snippy with all the restaurant staff and...it put a damper on the entire meal and she even got strange with me.

It devastates me kinda, when a new friend shows a side of themselves that is so unpleasant that you've really got to do something about it. It wasn't just her behavior with the restaurant staff, but some unsolicited advice she gave me, that reminded me of a certain someone who is no longer in my life. Very preachy and self-righteous and "let me tell" you - when I didn't ask you! So I've given myself a lot of distance from this person, and I'm really proud of myself!

If there is anything I want to teach you, it is that it's OK to make the decision to be alone, because not everyone is able to be your friend, in the way you would like or deserve. It's just the way life is! And I hope you learn that lesson sooner rather than later.

OK, onto the good stuff: your dad and I have made such amazing changes to our place! New couch, new dresser, shelving unit...and! and! We cleared out/cleaned/organized/arranged both the walk-in closet, as well as the huge closet full of junk at the front of the space. We even got a bassinet for you today where you'll be sleeping for the first few months. The bassinet retails for close to $200 and we got it secondhand from a really nice lady for $65!

We had a lot of work to do to get this space to be what it is right now, and both your dad and I are so thrilled with all of the changes we made. We've got a bit more than 2 weeks before your due date, and I'm hoping you stay inside until at least June 12 (my first day of maternity leave) but I've also got to come to terms with whenever you may come - would could be any day now. I finally packed some bags for the hospital - so we are ready! And this Tuesday we meet with our doula so I'm thrilled about that as well.

Anywho...onward to week 38!

36 weeks

I'm getting sick of the fruit and veggie sizes, so I'll just let you know that you are about 5-6 lbs already, and hopefully will pack on about 2 lbs before your delivery. That is, if you stay in there for 40 weeks! (I really hope you do.)

I have another sinus infection or cold again. And I'm feeling very cranky about it. The last one I had, stuck around for two whole weeks! Pregnancy really does a number on your immune system, cos, you know, your body is focused on other things.

This week I spoke to the midwife about my birth plan and even handed her a paper copy. She was fine (didn't seem the warmest, but she is not one of the midwives who will be attending to the birth, so whatever) and said things are looking good. I also had my weekly NST and chiropractor appointment, and those went well too...

Your dad and I are continuing to get things ready for you, and the biggest challenge we are going to face, is opening up that large closet and pulling everything out. I really need you to stay in because of this! I know that sounds ludicrous, but we really need to get everything sorted in the apartment before you come. Please!!

Your nanni and nanna and Auntie Shirin are coming tomorrow to drop off several of your things. Your car seat, and bath tub, and some other things. It's getting real!!!!

My body still feels, for the most part, good. But I've been waddling for a while, and my pelvis pain is still there (it will most likely be there until I give birth) but I've been able to still work out 4 days weekly, and walk a ton, so that's great. But I'm definitely starting to feel a tad...uncomfortable while moving. Nothing too bad, but it's definitely a feeling.

So...onward to week 37!!

One Month! (Freaking Out...)

You know, the time really just sneaks up on you! For the first 20 weeks of this pregnancy, I'll be frank: I wasn't sure which way it was going. You know, cos I'm old, and there is so much hysteria around pregnancy as is. So I wasn't sure if you were actually going to...you know...make it. But every step of the way, you've been nothing but an amazing baby. I had zero morning sickness, I honestly didn't feel pregnant until my belly started to feel hard, and you passed every prenatal test with flying colors. You and I make a great team!!! I was telling your dad that I'd like you to stay in your cozy cocoon for as long as possible, because I really want you to grow and be healthy and I feel that you are the safest in there.

Today marks exactly a month until your due date. Your dad and I are continuing to put things together in the apartment (most of the new furniture - couch, shelving unit, dresser) has arrived and been assembled, but there is still so much to do! I was really stressing about work, but I've reached a good place there, where my To-Do list is being tackled, plus, I feel truly blessed with my work situation after my job peeps threw me a surprise baby shower last week! It was so sweet! They had asked me to come in for an hour-long meeting to discuss my maternity leave. I was thinking I was going to be fired or something (though from the moment I told them I was expecting, they've been nothing but supportive) and I arrived to the "meeting" to find it was nothing of the sort! Here I was with my maternity plan prepped and ready to talk, and they were organizing the yummy Rasika take-out they ordered and I see all of these bags of gifts. I was so surprised and nearly cried! Plus they got me and your dad another gift card to use. We've been so blessed and showered with love and support throughout this entire journey.

One of the main big things I did this weekend is write out more thank you cards for our baby shower - 16 in fact! I plan to mail those out as soon as your dad signs them all. Goal is to get them all done before your arrival.

Anywho: I'm continuing to do my pregnancy exercises (cat cows every day and adding to that the pelvic stretch), going to the gym (where I'm continuing to squat a bunch), walking a lot, and I recently purchased a stability/birthing ball that I sit on and do exercises that loosen my round ligaments and hips. I'm still drinking a lot of water and taking all of my prenatal vitamins and food has been OK but every now and again I do splurge. It's an interesting thing, the lack of control that comes with being pregnant. I mean, I have no idea whatsoever when you are going to arrive.

Well, in the next few days we will be entering our 36th week. Unfortunately the doula we really wanted is not available, but I've already paid the deposit for placenta encapsulation (!) with another doula, who I'm considering to hire as the one for the big day. Other than that, I'm meeting with the midwives this week to discuss my birth preferences, and your dad and I are going to continue cleaning and purging and creating space for you!

Weeks 34+35

Wowie!!!!!! We have five weeks until your due date. Crazy crazy crazy times!

I still remember when your dad and I found out I was pregnant...30 weeks ago. So much has changed, so much has opened up for us. It's truly a wondrous thing.

So apparently you are going to stay the length you are, which is the size of a pineapple/butternut squash/acorn squash/bunch of carrots (oh these fruit and veggie sizes are all over the place!) but you should be gaining a pound or two until your birth.

You continue to do well. In fact, during my third NST test (which I must get every week since my age qualifies me as high risk) the tech continued to marvel at how well you move, the incredible jumps in your heart rate. I don't fully understand it when she says "this is the best reading I'm going to get all day!" (she's said that the last two times I've been there) and when I asked her what that meant she just said you were really happy in there (??) and would be going to Harvard or Yale eventually. Still don't know what that means, but I guess it's a good thing and I'll take it!

Your dad and I are continuing to get our place ready for you. And we ordered your first set of diapers!!! We also did the last bit of traveling we are planning to do until your arrival, and we are kinda/nearly/maybe? close to getting the apartment fully prepped for you. I've encouraged your dad to hold off on pulling open that dreaded closet and cleaning it out. As soon as it opens, it's game over!

The other thing we've done is find a doula we want to work with. We are really excited about who we have selected, and hopefully your arrival will work with her schedule. Other than that, I'm treating these next five weeks like I'm training for a marathon. Meaning: I'm continuing to work out 4 days weekly, doing my other prenatal exercises, drinking a ton of water, and working on eating healthy foods. Cos I know when it's time for you to arrive it's not going to feel like nothing!

Ok, onward to week 36! (OMG, and only 4 weeks until your arrival!)