So because of the holidays, and my migraine Saturdays, I haven't been going to meditation as much as I would like. And it really was a lifesaver during my first trimester when the hormones were making me crazy pants. Literally every Saturday during my first trimester I would fight with hubby and be a lunatic and unreasonable. Anywho, meditating was helping immensely and I haven't been doing it for the last few weeks (I'm not the best at meditating at home though I should probably do 10 minutes or so, at the very least). I say this because I am up to my eyeballs in feelings and I need to get back to meditation stat!
So now that I'm embracing my growing bump and wearing pregnancy clothes and announcing to people (including shitty family members - pardon my language but there are a lot of feelings I'm processing!) I feel super duper vulnerable. In my family's South Indian culture, there is such a thing as the "evil eye." You know, when good things are bestowed on someone, and those around who are jealous and fueled by schadenfreude put their bad omens on you and then something awful happens. Well my mom wholeheartedly believes in this, and since I'm so weird with telling people news that brings even any amount of attention my way (I blame the introvert part of me for this) it's been super nice just being pregnant with no one knowing (and kinda using the evil eye as an excuse for not telling people). I finally told one of two sisters who doesn't know (which was hard, but hubby was great and by my side and did most of the talking and we were not even on the phone with her for 5 mins!) but that evening was a NYE party where a good friend of mine came, and brought along a girl I really can't stand.
Some backstory: so this girl is Pakistani and what I would call very FOBBY (fresh off the boat, very old school like an Indian/Desi auntie who is all about status symbols and what everyone thinks, blah blah) in her mentality. Until I got married, I've had fine interactions with this girl. She's more like friends of friends and I would see her at social events, and chat with her, and it was all good. For the most part she was pleasant when I saw her. Well as soon as I got married, one of the first things this acquaintance did, was send me a FB message asking me if I got married, when I answered in the affirmative, she said something to the effect of "wow, that is very encouraging." Which to me, is just weird. (Hello, why are you making my marriage all about you and your issues?!)
Well I ended up hanging out with her a few months later when my good friend invited me to a play. And that's when things got really shitty: so this girl, I'll name her, Fatima (haha that is actually her name but there are loads of those so no worries) proceeds to bombard me with questions: "how old are you?" "how did you meet your husband?" "oh, so he's not a lawyer/doctor/engineer"? Maybe all of these sound like innocuous questions (there were a ton more that I can't recall in detail but they were all invasive and cloying) but as I was answering each and every question openly and honestly (I've learned this year that not everyone deserves to know all things about me) I started feeling worse and worse about myself.
I experienced the conversation like this: here is this woman, in her 30's, feeling insecure that she's not married, etc. So she comes at me and asks me all manner of questions to make herself feel better. It was just awful. So I did a lot of processing around those feelings and came up with a way to handle this dumb girl (and this method can be applied to any other human who sucks) if/when I interacted with her in the future. My approach: 1) keep my distance with her while remaining civil 2) excuse myself (go to the bathroom, into another room) if she tried her 20 questions with me again. So on NYE, there she is, in all her annoying glory, and I greeted her pleasantly and then proceeded to stay way way way the hell away from her. Well during some point in the night, someone (it might have been hubby, but he's overjoyed and spilling the beans to everyone so...) told her I was pregnant. It's 15 minutes before midnight and she then sits down next to me on the couch and goes "so I heard you're pregnant?" I looked at her, and I could tell that she was going to be all nosy and invasive and ridiculous and awful with her questions. So of course I immediately got super duper annoyed. I took some breaths, then said out loud "oh wow, I have to blow my nose" and got up, and left. It was a victory!! I went into the bathroom, and my hubby followed and I said to him "do not allow that dumb girl to sit next to me anymore." And that was that!
I said bye to her when it was time to leave, but other than that, had no further conversation with her. Sorry stupid girl but I'm not getting into a dialogue with you about how I got pregnant, my age, how hard it was (or wasn't) or any of that. It's none of your damn business! That's what Google is for!
Anyways, I realize as this baby continues to grow inside of me, that I'm growing too. And learning a ton from the people in life who have made me realize that boundaries are essential in all relationships. Especially with people who have only toxic/negative energy to give.
All this is to say: I've got to get back to the things that give me my center. The gym, walking a ton, meditation, and people who nourish me/keep me warm. I will be going back to meditation on Friday, and hopefully hit three classes this week!
Here's to tomorrow, when we are 17 weeks and officially, officially, 4 months preggers (you have to complete the week in order for it to count!)
Wednesday, January 2, 2019
Monday, December 31, 2018
16 weeks, 4 days - What No One Tells You
So this the part of my blog titled "What No One Tells You" to discuss....that very thing. This is something that was requested and I think so important when you are thrown into this whole baby-growing thing.
I'm pretty active, and one of the things I do to keep myself centered is go to the gym, which is CrossFit-esque in its approach (though much more measured in its execution, with a focus on technique over strength or speed) and I strive to go five days a week. Though my pregnancy is considered high-risk (I turned 40 in July, got pregnant in September) it's only my age that qualifies me as high-risk. I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure, or anything like that. And after several doctor's appointments, not a single one has told me to stop lifting weights (my parents and husband...that's another story.) Essentially every single time I have a doctor's appointment they say "keep doing what you're doing." Which is what I'm doing.
But with some caveats. For one thing, as soon as I found out I was pregnant (five weeks in, in fact) my core stopped working. I've always been pretty good at planks, and we do a lot of them at my gym. And I found (and I wasn't sure if it was in my head) that planks just felt...really really hard. It literally feels like my abs were made of mashed potatoes - nothing about my abs feels strong or secure in that move. It was a weird feeling! Well, turns out that a CrossFit professional athlete who I follow on Instagram, who recently got pregnant, said the same thing! She explained that her core was essentially non-existent ever since she found out she was pregnant! So maybe it's not all in my head after all.
Another thing: one of the first moves I had to do after learning I was pregnant, was overhead squats. Those have always put a lot of pressure on my core, and that day was no different. I went waaaayyy light, but something wasn't jiving well, and I ended up pulling something after that session. It wasn't anything major, but definitely felt like again, yep, my core is just not what it was, cos it's focused on other things!
One other move: the push press. Sure I have felt that my core is engaged when I do that move, but man oh man! Ever since I got pregnant, it feels like every time I push that bar up, my core is made of Jell-O. There is nothing there that feels stable. Again, I continue to do the move, but I don't go high in weight.
For next time: Kegels to avoid incontinence, what the heck is diastasis recti, how everyone (moms, dads, people on the street...the Internet) will tell you to stop lifting anything, and how walking long distances has become my life saver.
I'm pretty active, and one of the things I do to keep myself centered is go to the gym, which is CrossFit-esque in its approach (though much more measured in its execution, with a focus on technique over strength or speed) and I strive to go five days a week. Though my pregnancy is considered high-risk (I turned 40 in July, got pregnant in September) it's only my age that qualifies me as high-risk. I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure, or anything like that. And after several doctor's appointments, not a single one has told me to stop lifting weights (my parents and husband...that's another story.) Essentially every single time I have a doctor's appointment they say "keep doing what you're doing." Which is what I'm doing.
But with some caveats. For one thing, as soon as I found out I was pregnant (five weeks in, in fact) my core stopped working. I've always been pretty good at planks, and we do a lot of them at my gym. And I found (and I wasn't sure if it was in my head) that planks just felt...really really hard. It literally feels like my abs were made of mashed potatoes - nothing about my abs feels strong or secure in that move. It was a weird feeling! Well, turns out that a CrossFit professional athlete who I follow on Instagram, who recently got pregnant, said the same thing! She explained that her core was essentially non-existent ever since she found out she was pregnant! So maybe it's not all in my head after all.
Another thing: one of the first moves I had to do after learning I was pregnant, was overhead squats. Those have always put a lot of pressure on my core, and that day was no different. I went waaaayyy light, but something wasn't jiving well, and I ended up pulling something after that session. It wasn't anything major, but definitely felt like again, yep, my core is just not what it was, cos it's focused on other things!
One other move: the push press. Sure I have felt that my core is engaged when I do that move, but man oh man! Ever since I got pregnant, it feels like every time I push that bar up, my core is made of Jell-O. There is nothing there that feels stable. Again, I continue to do the move, but I don't go high in weight.
For next time: Kegels to avoid incontinence, what the heck is diastasis recti, how everyone (moms, dads, people on the street...the Internet) will tell you to stop lifting anything, and how walking long distances has become my life saver.
Saturday, December 29, 2018
16 weeks 1 day...
...on this day, late in the evening, I think I felt you move for the first time!!!!!
Ok, that is all.
Ok, that is all.
Thursday, December 27, 2018
Week 16
We are almost at 4 months with you in my belly! I'm not with your dad right now (I'm at Nanni and Nanna's for a few days during the Christmas holiday) so I took a sneak peak of the videos already. So apparently you are the size of an avocado/pickle. And in the next three weeks you will be doubling in size, which is just crazy.
Your Nanni got me a bunch of maternity clothes, including four pairs of these lounge-y things to wear. I've had a lazy last few days but getting a bunch of work done as well because I am not going to take time off until you are born. This trimester has been an interesting one, and I'm excited to have my belly showing more and more. I'm not sure if I have another doctor's appointment before the anatomy scan (I hope I do) because hearing your heartbeat eases my anxiety (and your dad's too). We aren't sure what to name you, but you are going to have your grandfather's name as your middle name.
Anyways...here is to 17 weeks (which will officially be 4 months!)
Your Nanni got me a bunch of maternity clothes, including four pairs of these lounge-y things to wear. I've had a lazy last few days but getting a bunch of work done as well because I am not going to take time off until you are born. This trimester has been an interesting one, and I'm excited to have my belly showing more and more. I'm not sure if I have another doctor's appointment before the anatomy scan (I hope I do) because hearing your heartbeat eases my anxiety (and your dad's too). We aren't sure what to name you, but you are going to have your grandfather's name as your middle name.
Anyways...here is to 17 weeks (which will officially be 4 months!)
Friday, December 21, 2018
Week 15
It's crazy, we are just 5 weeks away from being halfway through this pregnancy!
It's been a good week. Hit the gym four days (until today, when I woke up feeling like I was coming down with a cold.) This trimester so far has been worse only because I've had to endure migraines the past three Saturdays in December (literally, on Dec. 1, Dec. 8 and Dec. 15!) I'm hoping I won't get one this Saturday because I'm going to skip the gym and drink some black tea. And that better work because I'm tired of being taken out of commission on my Saturdays!
Well...your dad and I are so attached and obsessed with you already. We had another good doctor's appointment this week where we heard your strong heartbeat (it's the best thing ever when we can do that) and your dad was in such a state he just wanted to keep listening to the sound of your heartbeat and skip work.
You know, the first trimester was hard on me and your dad. I was super hormonal and I was scared and anxious about everything. I feel that this trimester has really brought us together and I'm so happy he is going to be a father, your father.
Your dad is the best person I know. And you will realize this soon, too, (once you meet him!)
Anyways, here is to week 16 (close to 4 months of being preggers!!!)
Love you so much.
It's been a good week. Hit the gym four days (until today, when I woke up feeling like I was coming down with a cold.) This trimester so far has been worse only because I've had to endure migraines the past three Saturdays in December (literally, on Dec. 1, Dec. 8 and Dec. 15!) I'm hoping I won't get one this Saturday because I'm going to skip the gym and drink some black tea. And that better work because I'm tired of being taken out of commission on my Saturdays!
Well...your dad and I are so attached and obsessed with you already. We had another good doctor's appointment this week where we heard your strong heartbeat (it's the best thing ever when we can do that) and your dad was in such a state he just wanted to keep listening to the sound of your heartbeat and skip work.
You know, the first trimester was hard on me and your dad. I was super hormonal and I was scared and anxious about everything. I feel that this trimester has really brought us together and I'm so happy he is going to be a father, your father.
Your dad is the best person I know. And you will realize this soon, too, (once you meet him!)
Anyways, here is to week 16 (close to 4 months of being preggers!!!)
Love you so much.
Sunday, December 16, 2018
Week 14
Hi Baby! I've decided to share the love that your dad and I feel for you already. We are so excited and thrilled right before any doctor's appointment we have with you - and we have one tomorrow!
Congrats to us - we are officially in the second trimester!
So far this pregnancy has been a breeze, but the last three Saturdays in a row, I've been stricken with a migraine. It really sucks, but there is a part of me that feels it's a sign there is something going on down there when I wasn't really feeling much the first trimester at all. I've decided to skip Saturday workouts for a bit to see if that helps me get my Saturdays back. It's been tough because I haven't done the rest of my Saturday routine, which includes Sound Bath meditation, for three weeks now!
But you know what? You are absolutely worth it. My plan for this week is to work out 5 days in a row, just like usual, because I will be heading up to NJ next week for the holidays and my schedule will be off.
Until week 15! (Love you so much.)
Congrats to us - we are officially in the second trimester!
So far this pregnancy has been a breeze, but the last three Saturdays in a row, I've been stricken with a migraine. It really sucks, but there is a part of me that feels it's a sign there is something going on down there when I wasn't really feeling much the first trimester at all. I've decided to skip Saturday workouts for a bit to see if that helps me get my Saturdays back. It's been tough because I haven't done the rest of my Saturday routine, which includes Sound Bath meditation, for three weeks now!
But you know what? You are absolutely worth it. My plan for this week is to work out 5 days in a row, just like usual, because I will be heading up to NJ next week for the holidays and my schedule will be off.
Until week 15! (Love you so much.)
Tuesday, December 11, 2018
Week 13
Well, I'm not sure why I keep forgetting about posting on the week I'm in! I'm nearly into my second trimester (yippee!) which starts in two days, week 14.
Week 13 was a great week for us. We found out the sex of the baby, and that the first genetic tests came out totally fine. I am getting a bit of a raise, which is great, and financially, we are going to be ok.
One other thing: the best thing I've done for myself during this process, is tell people when I'm ready, and completely drop toxic/negative/awful people from my life (including family members). You know, those idiots that don't have anything good to say when you share news like this with them, they make it all about them, how being pregnant sucks, how your body will never be what it was, how expensive and annoying children are... Deep breath. I've got a smaller tribe, and I'm so happy that this baby is going to come into our life when I finally (hubby is well ahead of that curve) learned that lesson (better late than never!)
Week 13 was a great week for us. We found out the sex of the baby, and that the first genetic tests came out totally fine. I am getting a bit of a raise, which is great, and financially, we are going to be ok.
One other thing: the best thing I've done for myself during this process, is tell people when I'm ready, and completely drop toxic/negative/awful people from my life (including family members). You know, those idiots that don't have anything good to say when you share news like this with them, they make it all about them, how being pregnant sucks, how your body will never be what it was, how expensive and annoying children are... Deep breath. I've got a smaller tribe, and I'm so happy that this baby is going to come into our life when I finally (hubby is well ahead of that curve) learned that lesson (better late than never!)
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