37 weeks+4 days!

I just read the post I read the last time I was pregnant at this exact same time. And it's insane how life works. Not only do we have a brand new house (our first little guy is sleeping in his own room now) but I have a new job, AM has taken time off work, and we are in a completely different place in our marriage and our life together. Life is a crazy and wild and amazing ride...

My post last time talks about all the work we did on our apartment to get ready for our first guy. And now...we are living in our dream house that we purchased and own, and I'm typing this from the comfort of our brand new king-size bed, and our bedroom is just amazing, and our little guy is in his room that has a crib and a swing and its own couch...Life has a way of becoming exactly what you want and need from it when the right people are in it...in my case, that's AM. 

So...onward to this pregnancy! We are close to less than two weeks away from meeting our next guy. My belly is huge, and I started going to the prenatal chiropractor again. Since we are in the grips of a pandemic I'm considering having a birth center delivery and will focus on choosing to use my hypnosis tools this time around. 

Along with chasing after our first little guy (he will be 15 months in a few days!) this pregnancy has felt a lot different. I'm not in bed every night at 8 p.m. like I was the last time around. Taking care of our first guy is a full time affair and maintaining a house means I can't get into bed early in the evening like last time either. 

I didn't think I would have left Aspen, but I did and I'm glad I did. I've been at my new gig almost two months and the learning curve is still quite steep, and onboarding during a pandemic has been a lot more challenging than I anticipated, but I'm happy I took the leap. 

This time around I am going to go with the doula on call at the birthing center, and take it easy with the prenatal exercises. I will do what I can and that is it!

Less than three weeks and we get to meet our new little guy!!! 

32 weeks

Wow wow wow! I've definitely not kept up with this blog, because, well, life. But we are well into our third trimester and so much has happened.

For starters: I got a new job! A full-time job, chock full of vacation days, health insurance, and....paid maternity leave! It was a nerve-racking experience, to say the least, because I didn't disclose my pregnancy until after I was hired and started the job. But so far, everyone (my supervisor and the company's HR team) has been great. I've been at the gig for three weeks now and I really love the work and the organization so far. I'm also happy to be away from the toxic person who was the impetus for me to look for a new job and leave Aspen.

So...our first little guy has grown in leaps and bounds. He's nearly 14 months and has been walking since he was 11 months and getting braver and braver by the day and is just so active and full of life...and has me and his dad completely tired (but also so in awe of his growth and development!) I'm at the stage of my pregnancy where I'm starting to think about my delivery and prepping and I'm trying Hypnobabies again (and aiming for an unmedicated birth). I wasn't able to do it the last time, but we had such a good delivery, and this time around my body has already gone through labor and delivery so I'm hoping it's a viable option for us.

Hubby and I are doing great and are in a truly positive space in our relationship. It was difficult for a bit (not going to lie) with the new house, him taking a leave of absence from his job due to COVID-19 and us not collecting UI for MONTHS. Only for him to get a whopping close to $10K last week.

I've always known he's my perfect person (his generosity, adoration, support and love) but the other thing is how life has always been seamless and fallen into place with him. The biggest reason he couldn't leave his job before was because of health insurance since my gig wasn't full time. But now with my full time gig with even better health insurance, he can be off of work for even longer than my anticipated maternity leave! And...I'm making more money, and we are now able to fully get the house ready for our little guy number #2.

I feel blessed in more ways than one. My family is healthy and sound, the house is coming together beautifully, and I found a new gig that is even more rewarding, uplifting, and inspiring than the Aspen one (and that was pretty awesome with my once a year trips to Aspen, etc.) But I also know in all the work I've done the past few years, my strict mantra of "no toxic people" is one I abide by, and has made my life and my family's life, so much better and rewarding.

Onward to week 33!

21 weeks

Man on man! So much has happened! Let's start with the good stuff: our number 1 little guy turned 11 months and he took his first steps the day after!!! He's been trying out the walking stuff a ton now, and I know I might be biased, but he's been doing a great job! We are so thrilled and love watching out little guy explore and grow and develop in all these big and little ways.

We also: FINALLY CLOSED ON OUR HOME! We are officially homeowners now! And we got the home that we dreamed about: 5 bedrooms, two stories, a backroom storage/attic area, garage, long driveway, two bathrooms.  Both the outside and inside are beautiful. Being homeowners doesn't come without issue (par for the course) and right now we are dealing with: broken dryer, ants in the house, broken bathtub spout - but amid all of these minor headaches, we realize how blessed we truly are. We went from living in a small studio (two adults and a nearly-walking baby) into a 5-bedroom house. It's been a spectrum of feelings, but mostly all good.

Now...for the somewhat good/maybe bad news. We had our mid-point anatomy scan, and due to the virus, things have...I dunno...been weird when visiting any medical facility. First off, AM wasn't able to come, which was very hard (much harder than I expected actually) and I really didn't like the bedside manner of the ultrasound tech...and he was a man, so I didn't feel comfortable either. Anyways! It was a thrill to see our new little guy moving and all of his organs and his heart beating and his head...and he really looks like his older brother to me!

After the long ass ultrasound, I went and spoke to a doctor and mostly, all of it was good except: the baby is on the smaller side (weighing in at 12 ounces at the moment) and there are these "soft markers"/fluid-filled cysts in the baby's brain that *could* be a sign of a chromosomal abnormality. However, since all of my blood tests came out fine (and those are a more accurate measure) the doctor isn't worried and often times these things remedy themselves...so that means I'll be having another ultrasound in a month. When making the appointment I specifically asked for a female. I really don't want that guy again. I will come back if I need to. I just really didn't like him. 

So that's us at 21 weeks! Overall, it's all good news. Oh...and gulp...I will be telling my bosses soon. Not sure how to go about that conversation. But it's one that needs to be had!

Onward to week 22!

14 weeks-plus

Hello! It's been a minute! Not that I don't have time to blog, I just...haven't. Yes, we are pregnant, but outside of that, we are living this new quarantine reality which has made everything...different. So yes, I have time, but I'm just trying to get through each day (well, minute and hour) as best I can, with sanity intact.

But I've got some news to share! We are having another little boy! I'm delighted! I always thought that *if* I was going to be a mom, it would be to two boys. Our first little guy is everything and more, and has brought me and AM together in a way I never thought would happen. In all honesty I thought having a baby was going to stress our marriage out. In the beginning since it was the first time for us, we definitely were anxious and took out our fears of making sure this baby stays alive (it is a very real, and I've heard, normal fear) on each other. But we have come to an amazing place together, with our little guy. 

Our first round of testing also came back positive: no chromosomal issues in the form of Down syndrome or other chromosomal issues. I also saw the baby on an ultrasound for the first time, and boy was he moving! I also *feel* like I can feel the baby move, but that usually is not a sensation that occurs until week 16 or so.

Since my typical routine has been thrown off, I am trying my best to retain the healthy habits I had while pregnant with our number 1: exercising, stretching, eating fruits and veggies. And now that my gym is offering virtual classes (yay!) I've been getting back into the swing of things. 

Anywho...our next big appointment will be the mid-point anatomy scan. I hope and pray it goes well! 

It's Happening Again...8 weeks (and counting)

So...we are preggers again! I just was reading some posts from my first go-around, and I definitely want to document what happens this time as well. So here goes...

As of today (Tuesday, February 18) we are 8 weeks and 5 days pregnant, and our other little guy (our first baby) is 8 months, 8 days old. He has been incredible, and being his mother is one of my biggest joys in my life (which I'm sort of surprised by, to be honest!)

This pregnancy has been...different. Two weeks ago, I started feeling super weird and nauseous and just overall icky feeling. And that has been a come-and-go feeling every few days (related to the pregnancy hormone - HCG - levels increasing a bunch). I did not have this feeling at all when I was pregnant the first go-around, and I feel sort of jerky for being like "omg this is how pregnant women feel!" because I really didn't have these types of symptoms.

Anywho...we've told just a few people: TC (my sis), SN (my dear dear friend), my parents, hubby's family, and hubby has told a few friends. This time around, it happened quite quickly. I told myself I wanted to officially start trying when our little guy turned 6 months old, and that's precisely when I got pregnant!

There is a lot to get done before our due date of Sept. 24: buy a house (!), figure out maternity leave with my job (they were pretty fantabulous and granted me 3 months of paid maternity leave as a consultant but I'm not banking on that this time around), and continue to have our first little guy grow and get healthy and do all that he's meant to do.

I'm thrilled and feel extremely blessed that we are growing our family in this way. I have a feeling this little one is going to be a girl (although I would love to have two boys, at the end of the day I just want a healthy, happy little nugget).

Onward to week 9!

Loneliness

I've heard that becoming a mother can be a lonesome thing, but I thought since I'm an introvert who enjoys solitude, it wouldn't feel that way for me. Wrong. Perhaps it's harder, because my instinct is to nest and stay to myself, but it's not helpful for me as I continue to deal with postpartum depression/anxiety.

Speaking of...so our little guy is now 4 months old, and things with him have been going super well. He's gaining weight, exclusively consuming breast milk, and no major illnesses or issues. But my postpartum anxiety is rearing its ugly head and after getting my period again for the first time since pregnancy and childbirth the yucky feelings from immediately after postpartum resurfaced. The anger, frustration, anxiety, stress, inability to just deal...I'm on a pretty low dosage of anti-anxiety medication, and the psychiatrist had told me I most likely would have to increase in the future, though I was reluctant to do so (there is still so much stigma related to psychiatric care) but after feeling those old simmering impulses come back, it's worth it for me to feel my regular/balanced self. So I upped my meds!

It's not come without issue, though. Hubby is concerned about the affect of it on my body, and breastfeeding (I'm on the medication I'm on because the doctor said there has been tons of research of the medication's effects on pregnancy and breast milk) and because we would like to try for another baby soon. Anyways!

I knew friendships were going to change after giving birth, but it's still a hard thing. I'm grieving my old life and wanting to remain relevant with friends and it's all so fraught with a mixture of happiness and joy (because I'm a mother and I wasn't sure I would ever be experiencing this!) and sadness, and anxiety, and....lots of FOMO. I missed four weddings this past summer, and one of my friends who invited me to her wedding (which I missed) is sorta/kinda mad at me for being MIA. But I don't have time for such pettiness! This new mothering thing is the hardest thing I've ever done, and if someone can't understand that I am not at my phone's beck and call anymore, then they weren't a friend to begin with.

I'm focused on getting outside with the baby more, taking him on walks for both his well being and mine. I hope I start to feel better again, and more myself, and not so stuck in my head and crazy. It's a scary thing, what this mixture of postpartum hormones and life can do to a person. 

What No One Tells You - Addendum to Part 2

In a post where I go through questions about ab separation, stretch marks and post pregnancy incontinence, I said I'd post an update post partum.

So...I got a pretty minor case of diastisis recti (the ab separation I was so fearful of.) My chiropractor has me forgoing all the fun ab exercises at the gym (planks, sit ups) for some focused work on my pelvic floor. Anyways!

In terms of stretch marks, I never got any from pregnancy (I've got my share from puberty thankyouverymuch!) and I'm pretty sure it had to do with this amazing product that I slathered all over the belly, twice daily, from the time I found out I was preggers.

And one more thing: I got tons of fear-based feedback during my pregnancy (from my parents, hubby and misinformed acquaintances) about the fact that I was lifting heavy weights and exercising intensely during my pregnancy. Now that everyone has met our little dude and seen how active (he started rolling over and back at 3 months!) he is, they are all touting the wonders of exercising while pregnant. Here's to listening to your body and tuning out the naysayers, even if they are coming from a place of concern and care. If there is one thing I've learned about motherhood it's this: it fine tunes your ability to listen to yourself and to your instinct.

Lastly, incontinence. Well, I did have my pee muscles refuse to work shortly after I gave birth (two hours of pushing will do that) and now they are a wee bit (still not fully) back to normal. But I'm working on it!